I apologize if this topic was discussed before but I looked it up and couldn't find anything so I figured I'd start a new topic since its my own story and any advice could be helpful I've always been curious in BDSM and the lifestyle because it always felt like a part of me, I've never been too much into nilla sex but I would do it to please my first partner. 2 years ago I was raped and I am good not, I went to therapy got the help needed, but several months after I went to therapy for sex months a dom who had ten years of experience and I got together. It was really good, the thing was we had sex once but we stopped since I couldn't handle it...I could handle breath control...being his puppygirl, the S/m although its not my favorite thing. Mentally I know I am not a submissive because of the rape, most people think I am but I know I was interested in BDSM before I was rape just didn't experience it til recently. The dom and I ended up seperating for other reasons, he told me not having sex wouldn't matter in a BDSM relationship but I could find other ways to relieve and get pleasure, I have. I notice most men seem to want sex, or the fakes as I should put it...I just wanted to get this all out...I don't really know what I am asking for adivce. But have anybody went through the same experiences?

Recently I went to a gynochologist and the thing is I am very tight but now I get scared of having the guys dick inside me, I am thinking of getting a vibrator...when I am serving a dom I submit completely but it confuses me because sex is the hardest for me to submit. I always want to please the one I am with and I know I am over the rape, but I just get weird in bed with the guy. I know that I've gotten better than I have in the past Does anyone go through any situation that seem similar? Any piece of advice?