On The Realities of 24/7

[Austerus]

For the purposes of this essay/rant I am using terms for a male Dom and a female sub. This isn't to offend or to suggest that I think it applies less to a Dom/Domme/Master/Miestress, sub/slave, he/she, but it's a lot easier to type in a single mode than with so many slashies. The essay/rant is addressed to Doms, but I think it's stuff that probably applies for both sides of the D/s equation.

[Rant]

On the Realities of 24/7
a.k.a. - Slow Down There Skippy...Have You Thought Your Cunning Plan All The Way Through?

As Doms most of us have probably thought, at one time or another, of a 24/7 relationship. We have fantasies. We read stories. How perfect would it be to have a succulent little slave girl available all the time at our beck and call, always up for whatever devious sexual or domestic task we might have for her? Nothing could be better right? Well as it turns out yes. That's right. It's pretty damned awesome. That, however, does not mean that real life plays out quite like our fantasies. These are my musings on the realities of a 24/7 relationship and a few things I think any dominant should give some serious thought to before carrying his prize, gagged and bound, into the sunset.

Money:
Are you rich? I don't mean a multi-billionaire, but are you financially well-off? If you're like most people and living either paycheck to paycheck or with a cushion of a few months earnings in case of emergency, can you afford to have a full-time sub who doesn't work? People cost money to maintain after all, otherwise most of us would quit our jobs. You will spend money for clothes, for toys, for food, for countless incidental expenses. If you aren't rich, and you can't afford to take care of another person on your salary, will your sub work? Full time or part time? What kind of job? If your sub works, will the money go into your account or into hers? Will she have an allowance? If your sub works, what effect will a full time job have on her duties as a sub?

If you are holding on to her money, will you place money into a savings account for her? If not, do you want to be responsible for her being destitute if something goes wrong with the relationship? Sure it can seem kind of sexy in fantasy to have someone be completely dependent on you and ruined if you kick her out, but in your heart do you really want to be -that- guy?

Is your sub going to do any of the household shopping? If so, will you give her cash? One (or more) of your credit cards to use? And how will she get there? Well...

Transportation:
Will your sub be allowed to leave the house? Without you? If so, does she have a car? Can you afford to buy and maintain a car for her? Can you afford insurance on the car, and gas for it? If you can't afford a car, are you prepared to be your sub's chauffeur to all her medical appointments, to any cosmetic-related appointments that she may need to make, to the grocery store, to anywhere else she needs to go? Will your employer be understanding when you have to take three or four hours off in the middle of the day to take your sub to a doctor's appointment? Do you want to spend time after work most nights taking your sub to the grocery store or the drug store or wherever?

If your sub isn't allowed to leave the house...well now you have a serious life hiccup. Are there professionals of all the necessary varieties (medical, dental, hair and beauty, etc. etc) who make hosue calls in your neighborhood? Are there grocery stores that deliver? Is it mentally healthy for your sub to be at home all the time?

Health:
If you live in a country without free health care, this is an important topic. Does your sub work a job that gives her good medical insurance? If her job doesn't offer insurance or if she does not work, will you be able to put her on -your- insurance? Have you checked your policy for whether it admits slaves? If you can't get an insurance policy for her, are you prepared to pay out of pocket for checkups, for birth control, for dental cleanings? Never mind paying for fillings in cavities or (you better hope not) a root canal. Never mind paying for the emergency room if your sub slips and breaks her leg, or hits her head on something and needs stitches or hospital care. Even if she does have insurance, are you prepared to pay all the co-pays and deductibles and unpaid portions of medical expenses for a whole extra person? Are you -sure-? This is not something you can get away with skimping on. Even if you don't care about her well being, you don't want her coughing all over your friends and family do you?

Social Life:
Will your sub go out to social events with your friends and family when you go? Your vanilla friends and family? If not, how will you respond to all the questions about that nice young lady who answers to phone at your house? How will you respond to questions about getting a girlfriend or attempts to set you up with someone? If she does, how will you present her? As your sub? As your girlfriend? If the former, will your vanilla friends and family accept that? Are you ready to lose or damage what may be important relationships to you? If the latter, how will this affect your 24/7 relationship? Will your sub be allowed to go out and do things with your female friends or spouses (spice?) of your male friends? How often? Is it mentally healthy for you to keep her from seeing people or having her own friends? This doesn't even consider when other people come to visit you at your house of course...

Domestic Life:
When friends or family knock on your door will your sub be wearing a collar? Will she be naked? How will you present her to visitors? Is your house equipped with a dungeon? If so, is the house large enough (and are your friends and family respectful enough of your privacy) that nobody will ever want to see what's behind -that- door? Are you ready to answer questions about toys that may be left out in the open? Are you ready to answer those questions when your grandmother asks them?

Who is going to cook? Does your sub enjoy cooking? If not, does she even know -how- to cook? Do you want to eat food three times a day prepared by someone who is a bad cook? Do you like to cook? Do you want to cook for two three times a day? If not, can you afford to buy the (more expensive and less healthy) types of prepared or restaurant food that will feed two?

Did you meet your sub online? If so is it safe to say that computers and spending time online are important to your sub? Do you have the resources for an extra computer? What other hobbies does your sub have? How much time will you give her for pursuing these hobbies? Can you afford to support these hobbies? Can you afford, emotionally and health-wise, to -not- support these hobbies?

Do you like to have a drink when you get home? How many? How many drinks can you have before it becomes unwise to attempt a scene with your sub? Are you prepared to back way off for the night if you have had one too many? Are you responsible enough to make that decision? If your sub is worried that you have had one too many to do a safe scene, will you listen to her? Will your domly feelings be bruised that she is telling you what to do?




All of this is just a small sampling of the many, many questions I have asked myself over the last 15 years as I thought about 24/7 relationships. These are things that need to be thought out, up front, by people looking to get involved with a sub on this level. Reality has a way of imposing itself on even the sweetest of fantasies, and while there are certainly ways to handle any and all of these situations, you need a plan. Make sure you think your cunning plan all the way through before you commit to it.

[/Rant]