This discussion took place in the chat room earlier today and thought it might be helpful to share our experiences and lessons learned.

My first exposure to this lifestyle came from a cheesy romance novel my girlfriend found on her mother's bookshelf when I was 19. The heroine in the book got kidnapped and was tied and held in a room somewhere. This piqued her interest and when she mentioned it to me, it did mine as well. I had similar thoughts and fantasies going back as far as I can remember being attracted to girls.

We experimented with some rope.. but frankly neither of us quite knew what to do after that, but, it lit a fire inside me that still to this day has not been quenched.

It wasn't till I was 22 or 23 and discovered the Internet in its early days, beyond the local bulletin boards. The early days of AOL and Prodigy and bdsm chat rooms and Q&A forums like this one. I learned that I wasn't the only one that had these thoughts and that there were words, labels and such for what I was and what I liked.

After that, I moved to Dallas and was very lucky to start working with a young woman who turned out to be submissive. She introduced me to her Mistress and I got to be friends with them and I learned quite a bit from her, but I also was fortunate to be introduced to some older men who had been in the lifestyle for quite a while and were willing to talk with me, show me techniques, and try to pass on some of the lessons they learned.

Over the years I have matured and grown and learned that just because something worked in the past, especially with a different girl, it does NOT mean it will work again. I have learned that patience, common sense, honest communication and going slow at first are keys to happy experiences. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is to NEVER assume. Always ask. If you as a dominant ask, it is the submissive's responsibility to answer openly and honestly. If the submissive does not do that, they have just assumed responsibility for things not going as planned at some point. If you, as a dominant do not ask, its on you.

Having said that, things still happen. Accidents happen, adrenaline happens, the rush of being in control of a sexy, beautiful woman happens, and the only way I can describe it is that the beast within takes over sometimes. Its up to you to remain in control of yourself enough to know what is going on, and judge how your submissive is handling whatever you are doing. Always, Always Always err on the side of caution and do NOT depend on a safe word. Most submissives, if they are sincere in their desire to serve, will go to great lengths to keep from using their safeword out of fear of disappointing their dominant. And, if she or he is in subspace, they may have no idea how their body is actually feeling or reacting, and are in no condition to judge. You have to judge for them and stop before something bad happens. Of course those topics like that could be written about in volumes and should have their own posts.

Hopefully others will add their thoughts and 2 cents worth and we'll have some useful information out there for those new to this lifestyle to think about and perhaps even make use of.

-D