Ok, please don't groan about this topic being raised yet again. I had just made a reply to post in another forum and thought that some here may be interested in my thoughts. My apologies to those that think the topic has been dealt with enough times already.

I have had r/l and online relationships, and am currently in an online situation. This topic is debated all over the net and its always refreshing to see some new and interesting thoughts. Of course, there will always be those that have never tried online and are still able to condemn it, just as some that have never been r/l try to convince us that their online is just as 'real'.

First let me explain how our online relationship is conducted. We do use emails and IMs for some communication, but apart from extra assignments I may issue, our D/s life is over an Internet phone. (Products like Skype, Firefly, Yahoo voice, etc).

Online (vs) reallife should not be directly compared. Its apples and oranges, but they both grow on trees and come under the broad title of 'fruit'. One person may prefer apples over oranges, but that doesn't give a right to condemn someone that prefers oranges. I have been in the fortunate position of enjoying both

Online is very different to reallife. With the limitation of no physical contact, other senses tend to improve. Just like a blind person's other senses develop because of lack of sight, in online the use of voice and the mind become the focus and in my experience, with wonderful results.

Obviously, those that rely the most heavily on the physical side of D/s would have much more difficulty than those that receive their enjoyment from the challenge of Control and submission via the mind. Clearly, online would not be for everyone, but for some, the mental aspect is all that is required to have a satisfying relationship.

In fact, I will go so far as to say, for me, that after going from a r/l situation to online I learnt much more about my own and my sub's mindset without the distraction of the physical. It is a very rewarding experience. It is very challenging to get inside another's head this way, and just as many subbies get their satisfaction from the struggles they must endure, I get my satisfaction from the control I can have through the mind and the challenges I face to achieve that control. lol.. it is not so hard to get control back of a subbie in r/l when she gets one of her feisty moods, it often takes little more than a few swats to her butt - but online it is a mental challenge to regain that control and can be a lot of fun

My particular kink is Orgasm, tease denial and control, cum-on-demand, etc. And yes, even cum-on-demand can be taught in an online environment, especially if you have the voice capability via an internet phone. Although I don't usually have this sort of play on IM, as an experiment one time I did type to a subbie that had learnt cum-on-command: 'No questions, no hesitation, just open your mind and hear my voice and "Cum for me Now!". And yes it worked!

OK, I am sure there will be skeptics that don't believe she really did cum and that she just claimed she did so. Well, for those that have been in healthy online relationships, they fully understand the importance of trust and honesty. I have no reason to believe that she would lie about this, nor would she have had any reason to do so. Online is not about roleplay. For most of us it is a real D/s relationship with real tasks, real actions and real results. We many be somewhat limited in some of the physical tasks that can be achieved, but if they aren't particularly important to your kink, its not a major loss.

For those that come online because of a non-understanding vanilla relationship, I feel for you. I do agree with others, that if the spouse does not know of the relationship there is an element of cheating involved, but on the other hand, I also understand that this 'cheating' may be saving a marriage by satisfying a demanding need. It must be quite a dilemma for some, and while I would prefer to see a situation where the spouse knows of and condones the online play, I can also understand those that have a spouse that would never be able to comprehend the importance of this release. My very sincere wishes to anyone struggling through this.

There are many reasons why people choose online, and the above is just one of them. Just as there are many different reasons why some prefer apples over oranges.

Brosco