Hello everyone. I can't seem to find an appropriate place for this post so I will try here. I hope it isn't in the wrong place.

I apologise for my long winded post but I would just like to see what you guys think about my experience of the bdsm scene. I will give you an idea of my sexual past as it is relevant to my experience.

Also I apologise if my criticism of the bdsm scene angers anyone but I'm being as honest as I can.

I have been submissive all my life ever since I was about 5 years old I loved bossy girls and would follow them around and provoke them into bullying me.

When I was a boy I was very little and I didn't grow or go through puberty until I was 19 or 20, I'm still a short arse but unfortunately not physically smaller than most women anymore.

When I was a kid and a teenager I found that many girls had a natural tendency to be physically rough and enjoy physically bullying me which occasionally had sexual overtones.

I never acted like a boy when I was around them, not like a girl either but definitely not like a boy.

I never played football, climbed trees or pulled girls hair, I sat on the carpet and looked adoringly up at them.

I loved their things. I loved their rooms and their clothes. I was of infatuated and dreamed about the girls I knew and thought about where they were and what they did all the time.

I used to play power games with them in which I was always bossed around and told what to do.

I used to be rude to them so they would pull my hair and beat me up. A few times girls had fun dressing me up, putting makeup on me and treating me like a doll.

I never wanted to feel like a boy or man, sexually I felt genderless.

I felt small sensual and vulnerable which was certainly not a masculine sexuality. (sexually I still feel small, vulnerable and sensual)

Whenever I masturbated I would think about a girl stripping me naked, wrestling me to the floor pinning me down and telling me she was far too strong for me as I begged her to stop.

Being a strong boy or man never felt sexy to me.

I was very disappointed when I became a teenager and realised that the dating game had nothing to do with being imaginative, power games, getting bullied or playing dress up roleplay games.

I never really liked the more adult reality of dating and sex.

Where were all the exciting games??

They seemed to be replaced by social pressures and the bossy girls had been replaced by bashful shy girls that expected me to take the lead!!!!

Luckily when I was around 14 about the same time as I was going through my crisis of confidence with girls I was lucky enough to have a friend who dominated me.

He was the same age as me and it was very erotic.

We where both smooth and not masculine in the slightest.

I loved the feeling of being dominated in a sexual sense to be naked and feel helpless was a revelation, plus I loved his cock.

We would wrestle naked and he would defeat me and make me call him King as I kissed his feet and his erection, it was amazing.

Unfortunately as he grew into a man I found his muscular hairy body a total turn off and every experience with masculinity I have had since has been a catastrophe.

As much as I love erections masculinity is a turn off for me and I'm still left with a deep burning desire for female companionship and sexual attention.

Transvestites are a great halfway house for me and I find them very exciting but I miss women.

I think you can probably see where the evolution of my sexuality comes from.

It was very confusing as an adult not fancying men, being attracted to girls but bored and intimidated by their sexuality and the rules of the dating game.

At the same time I have a cock fetish and growing up with rude comments about gays all around me. Not feeling gay or straight but feeling both.

Sexually I was very confused, not because I didn't know what I wanted but because I couldn't find like minded partners.

All the boys where too masculine and the girls where just so busy conforming to the world of lovey dovey bliss and domestic normality my sexuality was never gonna fit.

So in my early 20's when I found the bdsm scene I thought I had found the place where I belonged, a place to spread my wings.

But I was to be disappointed once again, the bdsm scene suffered from narrow rules and a serious lack of dominant women.

The few Dominant women that I found on the scene where either pro Dommes, old enough to be my mother, seriously overweight or in a long term relationships.

Sex was nothing to do with domination for many of the women I met.

The BDSM scene as a community seemed to be more about paraphernalia (butt plugs, whips, floggers, gas masks), fetish clothing and public play than genuine sexual exploration.

I go to so many munches and meets but it is all about Japanese rope techniques or electro torture and it is filled with goth couples and lonely Dungeons and Dragons enthusiasts. Much more cliquey than I expected and to be honest it can all be a little bit geeky.

I realised the difference in what I'm looking for and what the bdsm community ordain good male subs deserve.

I'm looking for a healthy sexy athletic woman who is looking for a normal equal relationship, apart from sexually! shes the boss in an adventurous sex life that we could both explore.

When I expressed this to people on the scene I was immediately stopped in my tracks.

According to almost everyone I spoke to, I was crazy to expect a relationship with a Domme, insane to think that any Domme would actually choose a submissive as her sexual partner.


Also I noticed that there didn't seem to be any emphasis on the bullying and coercion, the stuff that I so enjoyed as a boy.

The idea that a dominant woman would actually use her strength and her exposed body to physically overpower me was looked on as a nutty idea and highly unlikely.

Subs on the bdsm scene are subs and obedient from the start!! So the rigid rules state.

The pleasure I get from a bossy girl turning me from a willful boy into her obedient wimp was not going to happen.

I enjoy the creation of my submission, the act of being broken by a woman

Being a ready made sub defeats the object the game.

It's being cruelly put in my place and experiencing her physical strength that is the pinnacle of sexual submission for me. All things flow from there. Without it there is nothing but play acting.

It's the memory of what she did to me and how she easily defeated me, how I was helplessly pinned beneath her and how I begged. That gives spice to all the obedience and servitude that follows.

Without that initial act of dominant physicality I lose the essence of the whole scenario.

Going to a dungeon to play Yes Mistress no Mistress games is just far to predictable and impersonal for me.

I have found my sexuality is almost a kind of heresy in the eyes of the bdsm community and it is only a heresy because I'm male.

If I was a female sub I would be actively pursued and desired as a lover and sex toy by both male and female Dominants.

As a guy I'm only worthy of being a human ashtray, domestic servant, public play slave or gift buying money slave.

To look for love, sex, relationships or any kind of equality is beyond the pale for a male sub.

Even all the sexually submissive guys don't want the kind of sex that I consider quite pedestrian really when you compare it to some of the ideas in the BDSM scene like electro torture and scat!!!!.

It seems to be a very unique sexuality for a man to purely love a strong raw dominant female without all the paraphernalia and the title of Mistress.

To be turned on by domesticity, whips, gimp outfits and exclusion from sex is a most common scenario but to actually desire intimacy with a powerful commanding woman is very rare even among subs.

(or maybe most subs in their hearts want nothing more than a strong sexy naked woman to use her body to overpower him before sex but know that it's not going to happen and are afraid to ask for fear of being accused of topping from the bottom etc)

I really don't understand it myself.

To think of all my years dreaming about strong femininity to find the BDSM scene was like finding paradise.

Or so I thought. But to my disappointment I found that what I considered to be part of the BDSM world is not actually excepted as having a place in that scene.

And the problem with that is that the BDSM scene is the only place for submissive men to go.

There is not a place or a community for sub guys who want a sexy imaginative relationship that doesn't involve BDSM and all the narrow confining rules that the BDSM world requires.

It's funny if I wanted a woman who had thousands of pounds worth of dungeon equipment to strap me to a cross and whip me I would be able to find that relatively easily.

But to want an ordinary sexy woman to enjoy teasing me sensually and use the body she was blessed with to hold me down and make me submit to her will, all within a loving (or at the very least sexual) relationship is seen as maybe asking for too much. (Oh and a spot of girly dressing up but what self respecting woman wouldn't enjoy dressing up games??)

Why is a whole lifestyle with expensive paraphernalia and narrow rules so accepted and a desire to have a bit of sensual rough and tumble in bed seen as a nutty idea. Surely my sexuality is far less elaborate, dark and and farout than most BDSM fantasies???

I will never know, the mind boggles.

But I feel positive my Woman is out there somewhere....I hope

I have been told that just wanting dressing up games and bedroom wrestling does not qualify me a submissive.

I have to have a desire to be a human ashtray, endure pain and be excluded from intimacy to qualify as a true sub.

By the rules of the BDSM world I just want kinky sex, which makes me a pervert and a nuisance in the eyes of most dominant women......How cruel

So let me make myself clear, I am sexually submissive, so much so that I find it impossible to have an intimate or sexual relationship with a man, woman transvestite or transsexual unless that person is dominant.

I am completely incapable of having vanilla sex without the spice of domination, this means that I cannot find a partner so it causes allot of anguish at times, so please don't tell me I'm not a sub just because I don't fit into the narrow confines of the bdsm scene.

PS:sorry for the long winded post and please don't reply with anger at my criticisms answer constructively please.