I'm in a happy relationship that has toyed on the outskirts of BDSM for years. In fact, the first time we had sex was with my hands tied to the headboard, this was in fact the first time I had ever cum during sex. Most of our sex is vanilla with a bit of light spanking during certain positions. We have pushed it occasionally with tighter bondage and some dominance (mostly simple orders that do not persist long). I recently asked him if we could amp up this part of our relationship and it resulted in a wonderful night where he had me wear naughty things under my cloths and teased me while i made dinner, then pushed me to my knees in the kitchen, told me to suck his dick, took me to the bedroom, tied my hands behind my back, played with me with a vibrator while spanking me, fucked my face with the vibrator in me, told me to take it all and when I couldn't, threw me on the bed and fucked me hard. It was wonderful. I loved every minute. I asked him to talk about it a bit after to see what he liked, he said he liked the teasing and lead up most. I said I liked it all and I did. However I told him that I really would have loved some real rules (he had not given me any) and orders (he mostly just pushed me around) as well as dirty talk. He said he would try but did not seem in to it. I also could have taken more-harder pulling on my hair while I sucked him, deeper spanking, rules, dirty talk, using me, a longer period of time following the rules, more difficult positions, more bringing me to the edge of cumming only to pull me back and make me wait. All of it. He is such a strong and masculine man and I can tell he like dominating me but he seems hesitant to do so. I want it so bad, I need it, I can feel with just a bit more stronger hand that I could really let loose of the control that I usually have (I am strung so tight most of the time and I need to give control over to feel free).

How to I encourage him to take more control and push me without "topping from the bottom" or nagging or what have you? Why is he holding back?