Hi! I'm a 22 year old straight/bi-curious female and just learned about BDSM recently. After a recent conversation, I became curious and started reading about it. From what I've learned so far, aspects of my sexual life are finally starting to make sense. I now understand why certain things turn me on and off. But now, I am a little confused about how my sexual submissiveness fits with my un-submissive personality and relationship dynamics.

I am currently single, but when I have a boyfriend, he is usually the one that is eager to please me (no the other way around). I like to keep things about equal, but I usually end up being the one with more power in the relationship, so to speak. Personally, I could never see myself as being subordinate to a man (or woman). It just doesn't feel right. The idea of slavery is also a big turn off for me.

On the other hand, I like to be submissive during sex. I like him to be in control. I never liked being on top during sex, and don't even get pleasure out of it, or by being in control. With oral sex, I'm OK with receiving, but prefer giving. I remember one time during sex I was on my stomach and my boyfriend was on top of me, when he held my arms behind my back. It was the hugest turn on and looking back, I realize I like being restrained. I fantasize about my arms behind held or being tied up. Another time during sex, I was on my back and he was on top, when he put his hand over my throat (which I now know to be erotic asphyxiation). I was so turned on by it, and became light-headed from the lack of oxygen which made me feel like I was in another world.

I am very opposed to being submissive/subordinate in other aspects of the relationship, but it is such a turn on in bed. What does this mean? I don't understand it.