I was in a similar situation and like fyre i stumbled upon this site during that time and never looked back. Sadly, my ex and I split but we have been able to keep a mutrual relationship for our son! I would never say stay with someone out of the kids because all it does is harbor resentment, harsh feelings towards the other person. Some people maybe able to do it but I know I wasn't and I wouldn't suggest it.
Thankfully, my ex is a great man and understanding man so it makes dealing with him whole lot better! I know not everyone will have that end result but it has worked best for me. I say do what is right for you and your wife. She may not want to be pushed into being a submissive. Some women decide to become submissive just so they won't lose the man in their life but truely they aren't happy because it's not who they really are.
Anyway, we have been split for the last few years and I am happy with the way things are right now. I get to enjoy my kinky side online and offline and not have to worry about rather I am being morally right, if i had stayed with him.
As i stated it may not work for everyone becuase there are shit loads of reasons why people stay in relationships besides the kids, could be for economic purposes, because they are afraid of being alone, or the fact that they have been with that person for so long that they don't know of a world without them. Well at any rate I hope all who are in the situation, going through the situation, or have been in this situation find peace and solace! I always tell my friends that I rather be happy alone then unhappy with someone!! Good luck!