In the SCA-a medieval re-creation group-the heavy fighters have a rule: you never fight when you are angry. I have seen people pull their friends off the field to give them time to cool off. The reason is that we don't want anyone to get hurt, and anger can impair judgement, which can lead to someone having to leave the event to visit the ER-never a fun thing. We like to have wars, fight against each other all day, then drink together all night.
I would think that BDSM is similar. Yes, some of us do want to be hurt, but within limits. I love and trust my lover/Master, would with my life, but I don't think I would play with him when he loses his cool. (He does have a bit of a temper, and works very hard at controlling it, but sometimes life gets through.) I don't think he would play with me when he is angry about something, whether it had anything to do with me or not. Why? Because he is all about safety, and wouldn't want to risk damaging me-as opposed to hurting me-when a little time to cool off would make things safer.
I don't know the ins and outs of your situation, but I think I would step partly out of sub-mode if his anger was an issue. Not be disrespectful or anything, but offer to be support or to give him space, rather than play at that time. I hope I am getting my idea across. It sounds like you are married, or in a similar long-term relationship. When he is frustrated, be his wife, not his sub, again, without getting mouthy or bratty. Or make your service along the lines of getting him time to calm himself-take the kids for a walk, get him A drink and some quite time to relax (not get him drunk, which can make things worse, but something like the '50's housewife waiting with the martini for hubbie to relax with after a long day,) or, if it works for him, run him a hot bath. That way, you are not totally stepping out of role, you are just giving him what he needs even if it isn't what he wants.
I hope this is helpful, and doesn't sound too pushy or know-it-all-ish. Best of luck to you both, and if you find a solution, I, at least, would love to hear about it.