I keep revisiting this idea. But now I think I have heard it enough times that it has finally sunk in.
Here is how I see it (others may differ)

BDSM is a partnership between the dom and sub. The dominant can take only as much as the sub is willing to give. The dominant can take control but only if the sub allows it.
The dominant can deliver physical sensation that feels good. The dominant can deliver more intense sensation and this can border on pain (but is it really pain when it feels good?)
The dominant can instill a feeling of vulnerability or even fear (but isn't is fun to be scared when you know it's safe? If not then why do roller coasters and horror movies make money?)
The dominant can reduce the sub to a quivering mass of sexual flesh that is unable to speak or say safewords. (At least one can hope!) But that is a little dangerous. The dominant needs to stay disciplined and respect the submissives limits.
The dominant can call the sub humiliating names but only if the sub allows it. (Although I think this is not my cup of tea. Nor my sub's. )

It's a partnership. Two sides of one whole. The two partners connect to make one beast with two backs even if their fronts are not pressed together.

So that's my level of kink. If your brand of kink is more (or less) intense than mine then I can't tell you that I'm right and you're wrong. It's not a competition.