Euryleia's 1st Assignment

[Dragon's muse]

Welcome to the block!

For your first assignment, craft a scene/chapter/story that includes the following elements:

A single yellow glove
A unicycle
A ball of yarn

Happy writing!

[Euryleia]

“God damn it!” Jennifer cursed. Balancing the overfull laundry basket on one hip, she was forced to use her full body weight to push against the door to her daughter’s room.

Once it was open far enough for her step through, Jennifer paused. She stood for a moment, staring in disbelief. It looked like the entire contents of the college freshman’s closet had exploded outwards to cover the floor, the bed and the desk. Besides the numerous shoes and the piles of clothes, there were books and papers everywhere. She would even swear that she saw a single yellow glove sticking out from under the bed.

Carol had been home for less than twenty-four hours and she’d already managed to wreak havoc in the household. The day had started with a shouting match after Carol had taken from Jennifer’s sewing basket a ball of yarn and allowed the stray kitten she had brought home to tangle it in an unholy mess.

Simply trying to point out to her daughter that the flea-bitten, mangy creature had just destroyed her Christmas knitting project had touched off World War III. At the end of it, Carol had angrily flounced out of the house, although she had been careful to snag the car keys and all the cash out of Jennifer’s purse on her way out of the door.

Angrily, Jennifer took a single precarious step into the room and upended the basket full of clothes. She dumped out what she had just spent the last four hours washing, drying and folding into the mess that was her daughter’s bed and stomped to her own bedroom.

Her lover took one look at her face and sighed. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I’m so fucking furious at her. Do you have any idea what her room looks like?”

“Like it did before she left?”

“Worse.” Jennifer flung herself onto the bed. “I think if a pack of wolves had raised her, she’d be more civilized.”

“Now, honey, you know that she does things because she knows she’ll get a reaction from you.” Theresa sat down on the bed and stroked her fingers through Jennifer’s auburn hair. “There have been so many changes in her life these past several months. Fighting with you makes things seem normal again.”

“Blast normal.” Batting her eyes, Jennifer asked, “Would you talk to her?”

Laughing, Theresa shook her head. “No way.”

“Please? I mean you’re a psychologist for goodness sakes.”

“Sweetheart, she’s not going to listen to me. I could ride a unicycle around her and all she will see is her Mom’s lesbian lover. I’ve got no standing with her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Theresa leaned forward and placed several tiny kisses on Jennifer’s lips and along the line of her jaw. She whispered into Jennifer’s delicate ear, “I love you and there is nothing your progeny can do to affect that.”

Jennifer snorted. “Just you wait. I’m sure that they’ll find a way.”

“They’ve tried and it just made our love stronger. Have a little faith that we can weather this storm, too.” Theresa deftly unbuttoned Jennifer’s shirt while continuing to nibble and kiss her way down her lover’s neck. “Now, how about we take advantage of the fact that we’ve got the house to ourselves?”

[Dragon's muse]

Very nice. Carol needs a thorough spanking if you ask me, although, i'm not sure the little chit deserves it.

Good characterization and dialogue. Excellent description without tipping over the edge into being overly expositive.

Precious few nits to pick, to boot.

i'll have your second assignment posted today or tomorrow.

“God damn it!” Jennifer cursed. Balancing the overfull laundry basket on one hip, she was forced to use her full body weight to push against the door to her daughter’s room.

Once it was open far enough for her step through, Jennifer paused. She stood for a moment, staring in disbelief. It looked like the entire contents of the college freshman’s closet had exploded outwards to cover the floor, the bed and the desk. Besides the numerous shoes and the piles of clothes, there were books and papers everywhere. She would even swear that (DELETE 'that' is one of those words you can almost always leave out. When you use it, try reading the sentence without it, and if it still makes sense, delete it.)she saw a single yellow glove sticking out from under the bed.

Carol had been home for less than twenty-four hours, and she’d already managed to wreak havoc in the household. The day had started with a shouting match after Carol had taken from Jennifer’s sewing basket a ball of yarn (i think that "a ball of yarn from Jennifer's sewing basket" just flows a little better) and allowed the stray kitten she had brought home to tangle it in an unholy mess.

Simply trying to point (You could simplify this to "pointing")out to her daughter that the flea-bitten, mangy creature had just destroyed her (You need to use Jennifer's name here. A pronoun is assumed to refer to the last mentioned person, which, in this case is the daughter) Christmas knitting project had touched off World War III. At the end of it, Carol had angrily flounced out of the house, although she had been careful to snag the car keys and all the cash out of Jennifer’s purse on her way out of (delete) the door.

Angrily, Jennifer took a single precarious step into the room and upended the basket full of clothes. She dumped out what she had just spent the last four hours washing, drying and folding into the mess that was her daughter’s bed and stomped to her own bedroom.

Her lover took one look at her face and sighed. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I’m so fucking furious at her. Do you have any idea what her room looks like?”

“Like it did before she left?”

“Worse.” Jennifer flung herself onto the bed. “I think if a pack of wolves had raised her, she’d be more civilized.”

“Now, honey, you know that she does things because she knows she’ll get a reaction from you.” Theresa sat down on the bed and stroked her fingers through Jennifer’s auburn hair. “There have been so many changes in her life these past several months. Fighting with you makes things seem normal again.”

“Blast normal.” Batting her eyes, Jennifer asked, “Would you talk to her?”

Laughing, Theresa shook her head. “No way.”

“Please? I mean you’re a psychologist, for goodness sakes.”

“Sweetheart, she’s not going to listen to me. I could ride a unicycle around her and all she will see is her Mom’s lesbian lover. I’ve got no standing with her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Theresa leaned forward and placed several tiny kisses on Jennifer’s lips and along the line of her jaw. She whispered into Jennifer’s delicate ear, “I love you and there is nothing your progeny can do to affect that.”

Jennifer snorted. “Just you wait. I’m sure that they’ll find a way.”

“They’ve tried and it just made our love stronger. Have a little faith that we can weather this storm, too.” Theresa deftly unbuttoned Jennifer’s shirt while continuing to nibble and kiss her way down her lover’s neck. “Now, how about we take advantage of the fact that we’ve got the house to ourselves?”

[Dragon's muse]

i have seen this and will get to it on Monday.
Have a great weekend.
r

[Euryleia]

Thanks for the suggestions. I do have a habit of using unnecessary words and a read-a-loud would help. I think the changes will make the piece read better.

I do have a question about the comma you added in the 3rd paragraph. I'll be the first to admit that I generally toss comma's around like I was using a salt shaker but I'm not sure why you'd put one there.

[Dragon's muse]

Just separating the independent clauses. If they were shorter clauses i wouldn't have put it there either. But with the longer sentences, it gives the mind and the eye a break.

[Euryleia]

Cool.

Here is the clean version.

“God damn it!” Jennifer cursed. Balancing the overfull laundry basket on one hip, she was forced to use her full body weight to push against the door to her daughter’s room.

Once it was open far enough for her step through, Jennifer paused. She stood for a moment, staring in disbelief. It looked like the entire contents of the college freshman’s closet had exploded outwards to cover the floor, the bed and the desk. Besides the numerous shoes and the piles of clothes, there were books and papers everywhere. She would even swear she saw a single yellow glove sticking out from under the bed.

Carol had been home for less than twenty-four hours, and she’d already managed to wreak havoc in the household. The day had started with a shouting match after Carol had taken a ball of yarn from Jennifer's sewing basket and allowed the stray kitten she had brought home to tangle it in an unholy mess.

Pointing out that the flea-bitten, mangy creature had destroyed the Christmas project Jennifer was knitting had touched off World War III. At the end of it, Carol had angrily flounced out of the house, although she had been careful to snag the car keys and all the cash out of Jennifer’s purse on her way out the door.

Angrily, Jennifer took a single precarious step into the room and upended the basket full of clothes. She dumped out what she had just spent the last four hours washing, drying and folding into the mess that was her daughter’s bed and stomped to her own bedroom.

Her lover took one look at her face and sighed. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I’m so fucking furious at her. Do you have any idea what her room looks like?”

“Like it did before she left?”

“Worse.” Jennifer flung herself onto the bed. “I think if a pack of wolves had raised her, she’d be more civilized.”

“Now, honey, you know that she does things because she knows she’ll get a reaction from you.” Theresa sat down on the bed and stroked her fingers through Jennifer’s auburn hair. “There have been so many changes in her life these past several months. Fighting with you makes things seem normal again.”

“Blast normal.” Batting her eyes, Jennifer asked, “Would you talk to her?”

Laughing, Theresa shook her head. “No way.”

“Please? I mean you’re a psychologist, for goodness sakes.”

“Sweetheart, she’s not going to listen to me. I could ride a unicycle around her and all she will see is her Mom’s lesbian lover. I’ve got no standing with her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Theresa leaned forward and placed several tiny kisses on Jennifer’s lips and along the line of her jaw. She whispered into Jennifer’s delicate ear, “I love you and there is nothing your progeny can do to affect that.”

Jennifer snorted. “Just you wait. I’m sure that they’ll find a way.”

“They’ve tried and it just made our love stronger. Have a little faith that we can weather this storm, too.” Theresa deftly unbuttoned Jennifer’s shirt while continuing to nibble and kiss her way down her lover’s neck. “Now, how about we take advantage of the fact that we’ve got the house to ourselves?”