Therapy and BDSM

[just_ine]

This might sounds slightly vague as I am wanting to hear other's opinions, while protecting the identity of my friend.

A friend has been visiting a therapist for past abuse(to name but one) for almost a year now.
She did mention to the therapist that she practices BDSM and that she is in a power exchange relationship.

Through the time the therapist concluded that, because her abuse was BDSM related, she should not practice it anymore.

As this friend was unable to orgasm without some kind of pain involved, the therapist now also is not allowing her sex (or orgasms)


This friend has started developing unhealthy feeling of attachment to this therapist. I pointed out to her that she is reacting as a submissive would to a Dominant partner. At first she denied it, but admitted to it. Her biggest concern is that the therapist would be disappointed in her, or not want to be her therapist anymore.

I urged her to make her therapist aware that by (1) being in a dynamic where one is being open and expressing herself fully and openly, thus a skewed power dynamic and (2) having sex and orgasm controlled, she is acting as a Dominant wouLe. And my friend is reacting by submitting.

The therapist insists she knows about BDSM, and isn't open to learning more. This, while I am thinking this therapist is unaware of how the power dynamic works and is making a bad situation even worse.

My question:
Would you visit a therapist who doesn't know and understand the power dynamic in D/s?


Is it important for kinksters to find a kink-friendly therapist or is it a nice-to-have?


If discussing things like sexutility and sexual abuse, is it really possible (or advisable) to visit a therapist who is not knowledgeable in real BDSM and not just the porn version of it, to really be of help?


Thank you in advance for your responses.

J

[Scot68]

Hi just_ine
Seems to me that any therapist SHOULD understand the unbalanced nature of therapy itself. transference (falling in love with the therapist) is a real thing. I don't know but I think to avoid such problems the therapist is supposed to only reveal so much of themselves.

It *may* be possible for a therapist to help a person in an area that the therapist knows little about. I'm assuming that the goal of therapy is to help the person come to terms with what is troubling them. Maybe there are techniques and questions the therapist can use without fully understanding the problem area. In some types of therapy I think the therapist is supposed to be like a blank slate.

I wish I knew more and could provide more insight.