Questions about Online Dominants?

[Phenyx]

So I've been walking this path for a few months now, discovering and reading, making friends along the way and meeting lots of new people *smiles* and through many different conversations and lots of questions asked i have discovered a few different things.

One of these things being that the attitudes of newer members to this world not having all the right information or being too full of themselves to want to put their minds to the task of actually learning what they need to learn to maintain that safe, sane, and consentual side of a relationship. And no, i am not grouping or saying that all newer Dominants are this way, i happen to know a few newbie Dominants that are in fact taking the time to learn as much as they can before jumping into a relationship. *smiles*

Another thing is that us newbies? we don't really know what the heck we are doing so coming up against one of these confident Dominants, or as other's like to refer to them as Dumbinants, often more times then not? Us Newbies will fall into having faith in this person without realizing what is going on is actually 'Not' how things are suppose to be. And no, I am absolutely not claiming that all newbies are fools nor that they cannot see the hidden red flags that may from time to time show themselves or that as a newbie we will not see something wrong and walk away. It's just that from my experiences so far, and from a few of the others i have spoken too? that confidence can be very deceiving in a hope to learn kind of way.

Another thing that i have learned is this brick wall affliction of being the all knowing with nothing left to learn is not something that just affects the newbie members and can infact affect older members too. Now that is an interesting thought, isn't it. but that is the way of life, we are all human and none of us are perfect *smiles*

So, i seen this question asked and am curious as to what others would answer so I'm going to ask it here *smiles*
Please first take into consideration that this question is not directed at your Dom, Domme, and/or Master directly but more of an by your experience kind of way. Also, please do not use this as a way to Dominant bash anyone specifically.

Also, it is my hope that should one of these newer Dominants read the answers then perhaps it will give them some incentive to step back and learn ways to avoid the things that piss off the submissives *smiles*

so for my question:

What pisses you off about Dominants you meet online?

[kittyk@kay]

While i am not a lifestyle newbie, i am a newbie to this whole online thing. My previous experience (which feels like it was a different lifetime now LOL) was all rl, so i feel like i can answer your question
The number one thing for me, lying. i hated it when they lied to me. I'm not saying you have to tell me your entire life story, but if there is something that you would rather not tell me, then say that ... don't lie!
Then i have met the "submit to me and wear my collar NOW" guy, ... whoa, wait ... i don't even know your name?!
It pissed me off when they would try to rush me, give me a chance to get to know you before i make a decision.
Now i know you said not to bash anyone specifically, but since he is not a member here, and i will not mention his name ... i am going to LOL i was in a brief relationship with a Dom, still in the getting to know each other phase, when he suddenly started communicating less and less. Then he would say things like "I'm leaving work now, be home in an hour, talk to you then" and i wouldn't hear from him for 3 or 4 hours ... i actually sat here worrying about him, thinking maybe he got into an accident or something! The last time he did it to me he said that he was going out for the day and would "check in on me periodically", i didn't hear from him until after midnight that night when he said he was home and going to bed. So, do what you say you are going to do! Doms certainly expect us to.

[petgirltits]

Hi @Phenyx -- I'm not new to lifestyle either nor am i an expert (FARRRR from it ) but I've had a few bad experiences very early in my training that really made it hard for me to open up the way i needed to for my Master and my Mistress. I think the concept of trust can be taken lightly very easily. As slaves, we're so eager to please and find that one Dom to give our all too, especially when it seems like they get you right away like no else did. It's easy to get swept up and lose sight of common sense and even your safety.

What bothers me about some Dom's is if they dont take the time to earn your trust. Everyone has a background and some are more traumatic than others. I just think it speaks much louder when a Dom can take His/Her time with the slave get to know them, and help them face their vulnerabilities and apply to being obedient. I've had a mixture of the good and the bad, but it took years to get to the good.

That's my two cents

[Jav2020]

I am a newbie and slave.and looking for a dom.

[Mrs-Sett {Kuve}]

The notion 'newbie' and looking for a dom/Domme? hey, for what do you seek? Do you wish for a caring loving experience, either o/l or r/l? be specific ?

[slaveboy 6]

Since I am married any bdsm relationship would need to be strictly on-line.

[misty {HBMan}]

I've been active online for about 8 years now. I can unequivocally say that the thing Doms do that really makes me angry is when they mistake domineering for Dominance.

Ordering me around or demanding things when they have no right is simply trying to be domineering.

Being a Dominant is hard work. Not everyone is cut out to be one.

I've often thought that getting a conversation to go from the Howdy's to D/s takes skill. It takes keen observation and often a gut feel.
Inexperience can only be blamed so far.

So, Domly Ones: learn, learn, learn. Immerse Yourself in the mindset. Learn the psychology. Learn the methods.
And don't try to be domineering. It reeks of Inexperience at best and douchebaggedness at worst.

[f247f]

I'm looking for a female online dominant can someone please help me ?