A bisexual switch question

[Timberwolf]

This came up in a chat I had the other day and I thought I'd ask here. For those of you who play both sides of the fence in more ways than one ;-) I was just curious, are there certain combinations that don't appeal to you in terms of combining gender with Dom/sub? Meaning:

A Dominant, other sex partner.
A Dominant, same sex partner.
A submissive, other sex partner.
A submissive, same sex partner.

Do all four appeal to you or are there some that do not? I was talking with a bisexual girl the other day who said she enjoyed submitting to men but liked her women more vanilla, and I was curious how others felt on this.

[gloombunny]

I used to know a woman who was dominant towards men, but submissive towards women. I tried that attitude out myself for a little while, but ultimately I find myself enjoying both roles with both genders.

[Ruby]

I was just curious, are there certain combinations that don't appeal to you in terms of combining gender with Dom/sub? Meaning:

A Dominant, other sex partner.
A Dominant, same sex partner.
A submissive, other sex partner.
A submissive, same sex partner.

Do all four appeal to you or are there some that do not?

For me, all four are appealing.

The stuff of fantasies. There are some very well written stories on this forum and in the library with these pairings. ;-)

[debbieh]

I don't mind any of the four, but considering I lean more to the submissive side of BDSM, I probably wouldn't like too submissive of a partner...

[MsUther]

I don't mind any of the four, but considering I lean more to the submissive side of BDSM, I probably wouldn't like too submissive of a partner...

I`ll second this.
I have never dominated a girl. Irl and in cyber, i have no problem being dominated by a girl, and i do not see much difference between a male and female Dom.

[Asia]

I`ll second this.
I have never dominated a girl. Irl and in cyber, i have no problem being dominated by a girl, and i do not see much difference between a male and female Dom.

I'm the same as MsUther (again!)

I much prefer real life Doms and Dommes but have never felt the need to be Domme with my women. However, BDSM sex with my Dom is always more extreme than it is when my woman is being Domme. I guess I don't cyber that much - if I do, I log off and want to go for real. Cyber ends up being like a wee aphrodisiac kick to get me horny.
Asia
xxx

[TheKnothead]

That just a really good question!
And of course that means I don't have a very good answer.
For the most part I am about as hetero as you can get. I have tested the waters in the past and it's just really not for me, with one exception, for a brief period. There was this pre-op transexual in NYC, and I'll tell you this much, "she" was hot, we both played at top and bottom and we had a ball.

[meredith^]

Vanilla I like both men and women, but I like to be dominated by men and I like to dominate women. But it also depends on the person, I cyber dominated a lot of guys, and I still hope to find a woman who can dominate me.

[Desperadosong]

I'm not a switch persay.... but I have topped other women. When in a bisexual relationship, I tend to be the more dominant one, but submissive with a man.

Ds

[realcurious]

Well: a switch is a switch, the switch gets to choose, that takes care of any gender questions......choice. I have always had females subs: but lately have thought more and more about males: the 'curious' part being whether I would
be DOM/sub/Switch........curious?

[TomOfSweden]

I can't enjoy being dominated by a woman and I can't enjoy dominating a man. I have no idea why and I stopped trying to figure out why a long time ago. I'm just bent this way.

[Sextoymaker]

Well I like to dominate women. I have switched in the past though. I think it is simply up to your desire at that part of your life. I love bi women and understand bi men. I guess this is to say be tolerant and appreciate any lifestyle any other human chooses and to respect their choice in fact enjoy it!

[Amberxiao]

This is something I'm pretty sure of:

Things I'm comfortable doing:

1. Submitting to a woman
2. Switching with a woman
3. Switching with a man
4. Dominating a man

It really depends on the personality of the other person: I know one woman that I simply cannot conceive of dominating, even though she's a submissive - so switching with her is out of the question, and so is submitting to her, so it's never going to happen. Otherwise, though, I generally prefer switching with the same person.

[Crowheart]

Good question...
I can't really imagine to dominate a man... but with a woman, I can be both. It depends on the partner, I think.
But I don't think I could be attracted to a submissive man.

[Masters_lilone]

i can switch with either a male or female but i mostly only switch with my master.i need to feel comfortable withthe other person before i can switch with them.My Master is thinking about having me Dom a friend of his once i am living with him.

[thir]

i can switch with either a male or female but i mostly only switch with my master.i need to feel comfortable withthe other person before i can switch with them.My Master is thinking about having me Dom a friend of his once i am living with him.

You are touching on something I have been wondering: I cannot switch with the same person, or at least it is very difficult for me. My relationship to someone is either one or the other, and remains that way.

Does anyone else experience it like this?

thir

[leo9]

You are touching on something I have been wondering: I cannot switch with the same person, or at least it is very difficult for me. My relationship to someone is either one or the other, and remains that way.

Does anyone else experience it like this?

thir

It depends how it's played. I would have trouble doing it in D/s scenes, because I can't feel like a devoted slave and a Master to the same person. But I have had fun sometimes with revenge scenes, where I play an abused and degraded prisoner, maybe even submitting for a while, then "escape", overpower my tormentor and break hir to my will.

I have known switchy couples who can play all night at "this is for what you did to me last time".

[angelic.zest]

ive tried the switch role and found out im more comfy as a subbie...im Dom-male and some female...and been Dom by both males and females...i guess it depends on your comfort level with that person and the role your playing...but for me i rather be Dominated by a male *but love playing with chicks hehe*

kurixxx

[switch_hitter]

I like it all myself. There's always something you can get out of it. There are so many combinations of things you can do if dominating, and the sky's the limit as well when I'm being dominated.

[Guest91408]

ha! I was just wondering about this myself...

irl I couldnt see myself dom to a male sub, but I have no idea why. I have done some cyber rp with male subs but its never felt comfortable and I've kinda done it as an intellectual exercise rather than a sexually or arousing activivty. All other combinations mentioned in the original post work for me both online and irl.

As a side issue, does anyone have an idea of the proportion of switchs who are bisexual? Is being bi an indicator of likelihood of switching?

Pain XxX

[JulyMorning]

As a side issue, does anyone have an idea of the proportion of switchs who are bisexual? Is being bi an indicator of likelihood of switching?

Pain XxX

Hmm, I think there is some kind of relation between those two. For me being bisexual is the thing that I want to try from everything that seem interesting and not limiting myself only to one of the sexes. That is why I like to switch, cuz it depends on my mood if I want to be dom or sub, though I think I like being dominant more... I feel comfortable in all combinations depending on our mood and the person himself.

[kobraski]

i find the thought of dominating a man (i'm female) completely off-putting... i could never do it. and yet with a woman, although i haven't had the chance to do it yet, i feel the opposite way and would only want to be the top.

it worries the feminist part of my brain, but oh well, i can't help it can i?

[DarkSister]

An interesting question and one that has gotten me thinking, looking at the broader interpretation… through one reason or another much of my life I guess has been spent in a submissive role to men and so I think that although there is a part of me that would relish being Dominant to a male sub, its not something that brings me much in the way of mental or sexual satisfaction… all of the other combinations sit well with me, but I am more inclined towards the stimulation, both mental and physical that I get from a same sex relationship.

I was just wondering that, as well as the proclivity and influence of bisexuality amongst switches, which I’m sure must play a part… how common is it with a single couple relationship?

Dark xXx

[WyldWyl]

Hmmm... well. I definately am more inclined to be dominant with a male partner and submissive with a female partner, and in my recent thoughts have developed something of a theory about it. Just some educated guesses, really. But in case you're interested...

I would imagine that this combination has arisen due to two factors, both related unsurprisingly to my upbringing and experiences. My preference to be dominant with a male partner I think stems from that streak of alpha-male competitiveness that a long involvement with organised sport has instilled in me, aside from the base biology underlying it. I've always been in environments that have stressed competition, so it's become somewhat ingrained, I suppose.

I think my tendancy to be submissive with a female partner comes from the era I've been brought up in. As someone who is, shall we say, a little younger than the majority of members on this site, I've grown up in the first era where feminism and gender equality has (argue this all you wish) been an idea we've been exposed to in a long term and pervasive fashion. It's become ingrained to the point where I have to feel very comfortable with a woman before the idea being dominant with her becomes something I can do without an automatic response of chauvanist guilt. I wonder if that's something anyone else feels?

[Beswitchingly Positive]

I think my tendancy to be submissive with a female partner comes from the era I've been brought up in. As someone who is, shall we say, a little younger than the majority of members on this site, I've grown up in the first era where feminism and gender equality has (argue this all you wish) been an idea we've been exposed to in a long term and pervasive fashion. It's become ingrained to the point where I have to feel very comfortable with a woman before the idea being dominant with her becomes something I can do without an automatic response of chauvanist guilt. I wonder if that's something anyone else feels?

This quote is taken from Wyl, I thought this was interesting... I feel best submitting to a "good man" especially if he has been in a relationship with an overbearing woman in the past, it is as if part of me wants to show him not all women are like that...if he has a dominant demeanor it is easy to submit...
Nothing to do with real feminism, but I think some women abuse the power that has been won for them by being...pushy and mean with men.

There is something sexy about finding a man who wants to dominate...it feels natural, at the same time being allowed to dominate that same man is something I find extra tasty, but he has to allow it. He is larger and stronger after all, even if we are the same size...The big power I have is the power to tell him no more, or to continue to say yes please. It might sound trite, but it feels primal.

I am only a tiny bit bisexual, I fall for a girl once in ten years. Women are so complicated, I know I am a woman and I confuse myself all the time. I always have a more dominant attitude with the girls...all two of them. I would bet there is a high percentage of people who are bisexual and switch as both bespeak an odd flexibility.

I think I am more dominant with women because I have never had trouble attracting men, and I don't like women as much, therefore can totally live without sex with another woman, and I can be detached...but men...I am very...addicted to men, I love men and get much more excited for a man...he is therefore more able to dominate me...hmmm.

I am still figuring all of this out.



Of course, this could vary, according to the individual and I have to get to know someone very well before any of it is thinkable, much less doable.

BP

[fantasien]

I think my tendancy to be submissive with a female partner comes from the era I've been brought up in. As someone who is, shall we say, a little younger than the majority of members on this site, I've grown up in the first era where feminism and gender equality has (argue this all you wish) been an idea we've been exposed to in a long term and pervasive fashion. It's become ingrained to the point where I have to feel very comfortable with a woman before the idea being dominant with her becomes something I can do without an automatic response of chauvanist guilt. I wonder if that's something anyone else feels?

[COLOR="MediumTurquoise"]
Nothing to do with real feminism, but I think some women abuse the power that has been won for them by being...pushy and mean with men.


BP

I feel the same way. Its like women noticed they had this power and took advantagew of it and took over! thats total disrespect. and i dont like it when they dont stop and actually listen without flooding themselves with their own delusions of what a man is.

[Clevernick]

A female friend of mine is a switch, but not with the same person. She's always dominant in play, submissive when in love.

And she will play with men or women, but only falls in love with men.

Don't know what this all proves, just thought it was interesting.

[moptop]

It is all interesting, isn't it? Personally, I have tried cyber-domming a man but, as PainSister said, it was more of an intellectual exercise. With men, my nature is definitely sub. I have no desire to dominate a man.

I do not have much experience with women - I have been dommed in r/l and totally adored it. I do get strong fantasies about domming another woman. I have cyber-dommed a girl or two - and thoroughly enjoyed it, too. I am working on both of these

I don't think I could ever, ever switch with my dom. I do think I could switch with a woman - would have to be the right one. *looks round for her lovely Debs*

I have a sneaking suspicion that being bi is more likely to make you a switch. Whether that means you are more likely to be sub with one sex and dom with the other - I would expect there to be a tendency in that direction, yes. It is two aspects of a duality that most of us need to keep separate, for whatever reason. Practice might allow this separation gradually to disolve or lessen...

[Hime]

I feel kind of guilty admitting to sexism here, but honestly the idea of dominating a guy doesn't appeal to me. Other than that, anything goes.

[Hime]

I feel kind of guilty admitting to sexism here, but honestly the idea of dominating a guy doesn't appeal to me. Other than that, anything goes.

Revised! Since I posted that, I have met some hot submissive guys and very much changed my mind, and have lately been looking around for guy to domme. I think I was reacting more to the mental image I had of "submissive men" than I was actually listening to my own sexuality.