The Same Partner Or Different?

[Aesop]

I'm curious to know if the switches out there prefer to have a monogamous relationship with one person and switch roles with him/her or if it's prefered to be submissive to one person and dominant to another. Or does it matter?

[Nikita]

I'm curious to know if the switches out there prefer to have a monogamous relationship with one person and switch roles with him/her or if it's prefered to be submissive to one person and dominant to another. Or does it matter?

Since I'm very inexperienced, I was lucky to find a patient and knowledgeable switch with whom I play with regularly. It's not my thing to play with two different people, therefore, this monogamous relationship works for me.

[goodlilcowgirl]

I generally go for 2 different people... once I submit to someone its hard for me to dominate them... I just can't... it feels too wierd and I DONT like it when my sub dominates me... so yea, 2 different people (both knowing of course)

[Ozme52]

Then there's hope for me yet eh cowgirl? LOL


I don't switch, but can't imagine allowing my sub to dominate me if I were so inclined... not and later have the same level of self control when it was my turn again...

Not that I currently have a sub, so I guess it's all a moot point.

[redEva]

Never with a same person - it just does not work for me.

It is power-exchange, and for me, if I was given that privilege to be in place of power, I will not step down and ask partner to take my place for a change … it just does not work psychologically.

I look for different things in sub vs. Top, and while this might sound strange and just plain selfish (since I do have both in me) I prefer person who is fully "committed" to one or the other.

That being said (and I am fully aware that there is many nice people who will need to point out that this is totally un-true), all true Dominants I met in Real life have at some point in their life, or still do, submit to someone, and learned what it means to be on that end of spectrum.

So it is not question of looking for someone who is "truly" sub or Dom ... just for the person who truly enjoys being one or the other one.

[Aesop]

That being said (and I am fully aware that there is many nice people who will need to point out that this is totally un-true), all true Dominants I met in Real life have at some point in their life, or still do, submit to someone, and learned what it means to be on that end of spectrum.

lol Well it won't be me. I avoid arguments about what a "true" sub/dom/switch/whatever is like I avoid dogs with foam covered muzzles.

[redEva]

lol Well it won't be me. I avoid arguments about what a "true" sub/dom/switch/whatever is like I avoid dogs with foam covered muzzles.

hehe ... you are not Fox for nothing!

[Aesop]

hehe ... you are not Fox for nothing!

[FNorm]

Different strokes for different...

I've played top for more that 20, sub for about 10. Now I can go either way depending on what's HOT. Either with the same person, or with different. Switching with the same person takes a lot of experience by both. Not always possible.

In one eveninjg I can go from Top to bottom, but can't do it the other way.

FN

[samzum]

mmm totally agree with Eva .. she is wise :-)

[somewriter]

Definitely has to be the same person for me. Monogamy is a definite requirement, I couldn't cope with any other arrangement. And while I think I could probably have a relationship where I was only sub or only dom, it's best to have both :-) I've never had a problem with switching with the same person, it's only a temporary sexual power exchange so I don't see why it should matter if the roles are swapped the next time.

[Ruby]

For me, it depends on the partner.

With Nat, we can switch and have a delightful time. Sometimes in the same play session.

Yet with T, we fall into our roles of owner and pet.
Switching doesn't do anything for him and so,
I get to work out my domme tendencies with Nat.

It works for the three of us.

[Blue_Monday]

I go back and forth with the same guy--my boyfriend (soon to be husband?). As much as part of me would love to be dominated by one powerful, anonymous man after another, most of me knows that my happiness lies in a committed relationship.

I think my BF and I are both subs at heart, and we dominate each other as a favor--a little strange! It depends on our moods, as does the switching itself. After a good scene where he's topping me, sometimes he needs to relax into the bottom role at the end. It can be hard for me to come out of sub space, but it's like we have an intuitive knowledge of where we both are and whether we can make the switch. It's rarely uncomfortable. When I'm bottom, I turn myself over completely; when I'm topping, I know that I'm totally in control.

Secretly... my fantasy is for both of us to be dominated by a (non-switch) man or woman--I would love to have by hands tied, being forced to blow him while he's tied down! But there's only the tiniest chance we'd ever do that...

[Neil]

I agree with redEva in that I look for different qualities in each. I couldn't submit to someone I feel dominant over and vice versa.

I once had a thing with someone online where I started as the submissive one, but it quickly became clear that it wasn't the way we were meant to be and she gradually became submissive to me, that was quite interesting.

[pixie_dust]

My situation is somewhat unusual. In our home, I am the mistress and my husband is the sub, and it works very well for us. He enjoys the mind control, bondage, and moderate pain. However, when we are online with others, the roles reverse. He takes over the dom role, and exercises humiliation and obediance; while I fulfill my desires as a sub, taking pleasure in obediance, punishment and verbal abuse. Are there any others who have situations similar to my own?

[Silke]

to the forums, pixie_dust....and great question! Do you have any idea why you only have those reversed roles in a different medium, i. e. online?

I hope you'll get some thoughts on this from the switches on the board.

[pixie_dust]

Since my last post, my husband and I have discussed the unusualness of our situation. He and I have since taken on the roles which we have when in chat, and have discovered greater pleasure than we have known before. Our relationship has taken a very wonderful turn for the better, and are enjoying many new situations we never would have, had we not been a part of bdsmlibrary.

[Silke]

Oh, congrats to you and your husband and thank you for keeping us up to date! I'm glad you found a new way to have fun.

[Timberwolf]

In theory for real life, I'd love to meet a female switch and stick with one partner. I think that would be just about perfect if it happened.

Online, I've never done both Dom and sub with the same person. But I haven't played with many (open) switches.

[Ruby]

Online, I've never done both Dom and sub with the same person. But I haven't played with many (open) switches.

That makes sense, as many have different names for their "alter egos". I know a switch with 3 different online names, each name has a distinct personality.

Wouldn't it be great to find you were switching with the same person?

[Timberwolf]

"Wouldn't it be great to find you were switching with the same person?"

LOL Please pardon this outburst of crude language, but that would be the mindfuck of all time. And a highly pleasant surprise.

[Nikita]

"Wouldn't it be great to find you were switching with the same person?"

LOL Please pardon this outburst of crude language, but that would be the mindfuck of all time. And a highly pleasant surprise.

Timberwolf,

I do switch with the same person, and yes, it is a total mindfuck, mostly good, but sometimes, not so good. It is a cyber relationship. But, because it is cyber, mentally, it is very intense experience. It takes us days to switch into our roles, perhaps because we play hard and frequently.

Ruby mentioned the use of 'alter egos' that switches use to box their roles. We each have our 'switch' names and it helps with the mindset. *gg*

Imo, switching with the same person in r/l would be very hard for me. I can't really give you a reason why. Maybe it is because I haven't done it.

[Timberwolf]

I would love to find myself a female switch, but I agree switching with one person presents a degree of challenge. But then again, that could be part of the discipline of a D/s relationship, when it comes to being a switch. Some days you might feel more one way or the other, but perhaps you're stuck in the other role at the time, and the discipline is being what you'r esupposed to be at the moment.

[Asia]

I would love to find myself a female switch, but I agree switching with one person presents a degree of challenge. But then again, that could be part of the discipline of a D/s relationship, when it comes to being a switch. Some days you might feel more one way or the other, but perhaps you're stuck in the other role at the time, and the discipline is being what you'r esupposed to be at the moment.

Sir,
I am a female SwiTcH in my real life and I can tell you it's not that difficult or confusing at all. It helps that we both have stressful jobs and need to be very assertive at work, when we get home, He is usually Dom and me fiery, we clash, that leads to heated and aggressive passion and lust. Evolutionary theorists observe this behaviour in the animal kingdom - one of us will bear our necks to the the other, even though the fight to get to that state is as equally arousing as the willingness to submit or the victory of Domination itself.
Asia
xxx

[Timberwolf]

Sounds to me like you've got a very interesting home life indeed.

[Asia]

Sounds to me like you've got a very interesting home life indeed.

It helps if he's not in an extreme Dom mood when it comes to housework though *winks*
Asia
xxx

[Dundee]

Sir,
I am a female SwiTcH in my real life and I can tell you it's not that difficult or confusing at all. It helps that we both have stressful jobs and need to be very assertive at work, when we get home, He is usually Dom and me fiery, we clash, that leads to heated and aggressive passion and lust. Evolutionary theorists observe this behaviour in the animal kingdom - one of us will bear our necks to the the other, even though the fight to get to that state is as equally arousing as the willingness to submit or the victory of Domination itself.
Asia
xxx

Despite all your struggling (and I have to admit you looked really fired up and cute, even though I know you hate that word) you always ended up bearing your neck and boy, what a sensitive neck you have, all the better to hold you down and collar you with. Your man is one lucky dude, send my regards
D
x

[Noontide]

Sir,
I am a female SwiTcH in my real life and I can tell you it's not that difficult or confusing at all. It helps that we both have stressful jobs and need to be very assertive at work, when we get home, He is usually Dom and me fiery, we clash, that leads to heated and aggressive passion and lust. Evolutionary theorists observe this behaviour in the animal kingdom - one of us will bear our necks to the the other, even though the fight to get to that state is as equally arousing as the willingness to submit or the victory of Domination itself.
Asia
xxx

asia, was just browsing this thread when i read the above. you certainly touched something deep with those words!!!!! got me thinking!!!! i'm new to the forum and to bdsm and feel like a sub and yet dont!! so i started looking at switch questions and found your words!!! glad you shared and glad that i read...

[Amberxiao]

Well, I'm not very experienced, but so far, my ONLY practice has been switching with the same person. I had no problems with this, but I have a very strong need for balance AND a very high tolerance for ambiguity/paradox. There was one night when I went to bed after a very heated (sexually, not angrily) phone call, and imagined myself as both all night long, simultaneously.

So, that's my preference. There's something about the challenge itself in maintaining both roles with the same person that excites me. As well as the occasional skirmishes for dominance at a particular time/place.

I think there's a part of me that can't fully respect/give to someone who hasn't done the same for me. Being dominant without being dominated is a little easier, but eventually, I think I'd end up feeling guilty -- even *knowing* they liked/preferred it that way. And I've got a few fantasies that I'd miss experiencing.

[moptop]

Ahh, this is so interesting, and so difficult. I am by nature a (serial) monogamist: I have intense relationships with one person, I love them, I expect them to love me, and for us to be completed in eachother. For whatever reasons, they tend to last about 5 years.

However, I am gradually coming to an awareness or suspicion of myself: whilst seeing myself as a sub, I seem to attract sub men. In the present relationship I`m in, I have been very much the sub, and he very much the Master; but he is now in love with another woman, to whom, he says, he feels he can submit completely (he`s said that to me: not to her); and certainly, given comments about whether I`d like him to lick my shoes and others, I had recognised some definite sub tendencies in him previously. This squiggles my brain: I don`t think we can switch in our relationship - he still considers himself the Master - although I would like to pick up redEva`s comment that it is a "privilege to be in place of power", and one that I feel he has abused (by taking me on and then dropping his dominion over me without thought or consideration of the consequences for me) - so I`m certainly considering presenting him with a switch in the relationship: but I`m not sure I`m truly capable of Domming, and I`m DEAD scared of it! Suspicion I may be very, very nasty underneath it all... But anyway - he is hurting me. I do not like him being with another person. I think maybe if we were all 3 of us able to work it together, I could actually cope, but him going between her and me, and expressing emotional preference (for her...) - how do you all manage it? I just don`t know how to share emotionally, and I wish I did, because it is very possible that he needs two different things, and needs them from two different people. I would like to be able to offer him that. Oh. Sounds like a sub speaking...