H is for Humiliation
Humiliation… one of the most delicious and misunderstood topics in Lifestyle. What is humiliation? There are many types of humiliation, and many people classify different humiliating things into different categories. I will try and touch on some of the more common categories and as we take a stroll through the world of humiliation…
Warning Note: Humiliation, in various forms, can be an extremely sensitive topic for the submissive. Dominants should sit and talk through humiliation with the submissive BEFORE trying anything out. Some subs have had past relationships where humiliation was not used in a positive way or the sub was degraded. Also, most subs like certain types of humiliation and not others, so lesson to be learned? Be prudent and know your sub! Make SURE you discuss it before and afterwards at the beginning, to ensure it’s having its desired effect! Safe, Sane, Consensual!
Humiliation v. Degradation
Definitions:
- Humiliation: The state of being disgraced or shamed… an instance… strong feelings of embarrassment
- Degradation: Changing to a lower state, decline to a lower level
Many times these words are used interchangeably, but in fact are far from it. Humiliation is when the act/words are enjoyable to both the submissive and the Dominant, and both parties know it’s not true but get an erotic charge out of it. Humiliating acts and words are used exclusively in a scene or by a D/s couple in a specified context. They are meant to cause a level of erotic shame for the submissive, a level at which the sub doesn’t “like” it, but is getting erotically charged over it. However, humiliation is limited in duration.
Degradation on the other hand is a more permanent, systematic breakdown of a sub’s position to a lower level. Degradation is not erotically stimulating for the sub and can leave them in a very compromised condition and permanently scarred. Degradation should be used with GREAT care and only with an experienced couple for whom it is purposeful and planned.
Now onto the fun stuff…
Verbal Humiliation
One of the most commonly used forms of humiliation is verbal humiliation, in particular name calling, such as: fucktoy, whore, cunt, slut, bitch. Verbal humiliation is often erotic for the sub because it is verbal objectification, meant to “put the sub in their place,” meant to arouse them for further activity. Some Dominants use verbal humiliation only in a scene, such as “Cum for me, whore,” or only in private, “Come here, cunt.” It is good to work in increments with verbal humiliation—start slow, experiment in limited context with various terms—some subs only are aroused with certain words, and may react oppositely (angrily) if other words are used.
Also, take note, many subs enjoy being verbally humiliated by their Dominant, but do not enjoy it at the hands of others. If you are at a public play party, etc., don’t call someone else’s sub a humiliating term (such as those listed above) until given the okay by their Dominant—it can be seen as a sign of disrespect. Also be careful about using such terms out in vanilla, public society—many don’t take well to hearing a Dominant say “Just pick one, fucktoy” in the middle of a grocery aisle. As always, use discretion. Remember, the goal of the verbal humiliation is to make it enjoyable for both the sub and the Dominant.
Physical Humiliation
Physical humiliation can be divided into a number of categories: general, objectification, pet play, gender/sissy play, the list goes on. Physical humiliation is often combined with verbal humiliation for an overall, more intensive effect. Here are some examples and a bit about each type:
- General: This is a great place for the inexperienced to start and for couples to feel out their interest in physical humiliation. General types of physical humiliation can include making a sub wear non-matching/slutty/poor fitting clothes in public or having the sub “smell” of sex in public by wearing toys/orgasming, etc. It is important to be in constant feedback mode with the sub when trying out new humiliation techniques—ensure that what they are feeling is erotic humiliation and not complete terror or horror. There’s a fine line to be walked and the better the Dominant knows the submissive, the finer the line can be.
- Objectification: the use of the sub as an inanimate object, often furniture. The sub is treated as an “it” rather than a person. The sub is erotically aroused by this treatment and enjoys the feeling of being used in this manner. Objectification can last for a short period of time (footstool, table) or for longer (table centerpiece).
- Pet Play: the sub plays a pet animal, often a puppy or pony. The sub is treated as a pet for the duration of the play. In the case of a puppy, the sub might eat and drink out of dog bowls, lay at their owner’s feet, crawl around on all fours or play fetch. In the case of a pony, the sub might be trained in Pony Play—to help guide and carry a wagon/chariot/etc. with their owner, trained to respond to a crop/whip, and dressed in pony gear. Other pet play may be less “gentle”—such as treating the sub as a cow and causing forced lactation, etc. In pet play, it is extremely important to identify the boundaries, rules and duration ahead of time. Pet play also might result in a severe “sub drop” at its conclusion, so the Dominant must plan for this as well.
- Gender/Sissy play: Most often used with male subs, gender play bends the gender dynamic. Male subs may undergo forced feminization and made to wear ladies’ panties, pantyhose, high heels, clothes, make up, etc. In more extreme cases, the male might be voice trained to speak at a higher pitch and trained to act as a female rather than a male. Often, sissy play is combined with domestic play to create a sissy maid.
These are just SOME of the ways humiliation can be used and enjoyed in a D/s setting. It’s such a broad topic that no one thread or person can have all the answers & ideas. Below are some links to external sites with more great ideas & information.
REMEMBER: SAFE, SANE & CONSENTUAL
Other Threads on the Forums:
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ht=humiliation --What do you find humiliating?
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ht=humiliation -- Why do you use humiliation?
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ht=humiliation --Humiliation v. Degradation
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ht=humiliation --Ethical Concerns: abuse v. humiliation
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ht=humiliation --Humiliation in general
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9221 --Discussion of humiliation
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=7281 --Humiliation Debate
Information on Other Sites:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_humiliation --Wikipedia’s guide to erotic humiliation
http://www.iron-rose.com/ir/docs/humiliation.htm --A great essay on humiliation
http://www.leathernroses.com/general...umiliation.htm --A Leather & Roses short essay by BoundLady on humiliation
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Ds/humiliation.htm --APEX’s short essay on humiliation
http://www.domsubfriends.com/library/humiliation1.shtml --DomSubFriends’ List of Humiliation Ideas
http://www.bestslavetraining.com/Humiliation.htm --Some more humiliation ideas
http://www.alternativealbany.com/alt...ealbany/?p=150 --Humiliation v. Degradation
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Thread: H is for Humiliation
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11-18-2007 #1Registered
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H is for Humiliation
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11-18-2007 #2Registered User
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Yet another brilliant topic. Thank you delia for the time and effort you put forth in order to enlighten us.
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03-05-2008 #3Banned
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I save humilation for punishment. I will use it sparingly but that is me. Some love it live for it done the way they like it.
Remember harm done to her mind is worse then harm to her body and normally takes a hell of a lot longer to recover from.
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03-10-2008 #4Needs disciplined daily.
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I have to agree with you Sir Russell. I can heal from bruises and welts a lot easier than I can from feeling "less than perfect" in his eyes.
Originally Posted by Sir_Russell
If he doesn't spank me, how will I know better?
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03-10-2008 #5proud to be a sinner
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personally, i am very self conscious about my body, no matter what Master says. However, although i find myself turned on by verbal humiliation along the lines of "cunt, slut, whore" and the such, there are some words which not only turn me off, but make me want to cry (i.e. the ones 'insulting' my body or my intelligence). Especially during play, when i really focus on Master and Master alone, if i get the idea that i'm not pleasing him, or that he views me as unworthy, it completely ruins me.
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09-10-2008 #6Panther007
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Great post Delia, humiliation in play can add great spice to a scene.
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09-11-2008 #7Keeping the Ahh in Kajira
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What about situational humiliation play delia?
Some interesting scenerios come to mind, as opposed to direct verbal or objectification.
Such as having to buy a cucumber and tube of lube in wallmart with no other products. etc etc winks wegWhen love beckons to you, follow him,Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound thee
KAHLIL GIBRAN, The Prophet
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10-07-2008 #8Registered User
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hey everyone i am a sub and my partner wants me to talk down to him and degrade him verbally, embarrass him...i am not sure as to what to say since i have never done anything like this before...I am asking for some advice as what to say while i do what he wants me to do..Please and thank you sir/maam
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10-14-2008 #9
im into Objectification, but the rest im not to key on...what about as food you know the domme or dom puts whip cream or ice cream on a preson then licks it off or even giving oral all the while the sub is playing the role that the dom is eating them alive. i like that idea too.
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01-18-2009 #10Registered User
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humiliating tasks
not sure if this is the right place to ask, but does anyone know of a good web site that specialises in dishing out humiliating tasks
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01-05-2010 #11
i like to be humilated when i am not doing what i am told.
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01-06-2010 #12Paying attention
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First of all, where the heck has this thread been? I love it!!!
Second, you mean saying, "Just pick one, fucktoy" at the grocery store is not acceptable? Pity, really.
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02-15-2010 #13Registered User
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I personally found having My wee one grow her armpit hair during the summer months to be very effective in curing most things...~S~...
Just wanted to add My two cents worth...
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02-16-2010 #14Paying attention
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Ohhhh that's especially awful! YIKES. It would certainly work for me... Originally Posted by MstrShimoda
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02-16-2010 #15Registered User
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Like I said ...effective..~S~... Originally Posted by brwneydgirl
Ohhhh that's especially awful! YIKES. It would certainly work for me...
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08-24-2013 #1651ut4uGuest
i absolutely adore being humiliated, particularly in sissification and in public. It gives me great pride to know that others may enjoy and derive satifaction/humor/pleasure in my discomfort.
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08-25-2013 #17Handmaiden of Athena
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I learned the hard way where my preferences lay. I love gentle and 'teasing' type humiliation. Things like pet names and embarrassing instructions like going without undies or the like. However, I found I have a very strong and nearly violent reaction to outright degradation and anything meant to make me feel worthless.
The problem is, it's often hard to explain just where that line lays to people. A lot seem to think there's no difference between humiliation and degradation. I've had enough people trying to hurt and degrade me in my everyday life to last several lifetimes, I really don't want that with someone I care about.
I think it's one of those things that really shows how important communication is in any relationship, but especially a BDSM one.
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