Mistress in Distress

[MistressTally]

Greetings, I am a new Mistress who has only ever role-played as a sub. I have never had a physical Master, and I consider myself a switch. Recently my partner and I have been playing with what we are calling "The BDSM dynamic" in our relationship. We've switched back and fourth only once, and landed back with the crop in my hand so to speak. My sub is also inexperienced as to the daily behaviors of a sub. My question to the community is this, how do I set the stage for the kind of treatment I expect from my sub? Being outright mean or using physical punishment is not within my ability nor within the kinks of my sub. He wants to be taken as a pet/slave, I consider him this because he likes to experience intense pleasure, while also enjoying denial and bondage. I want to understand how to have the presence of a Master when we're not performing a scene. I want him to bite his tongue when he thinks of a retort to my commands, I need some guidance from superior Doms who understand the compassion involved in training a new sub.

[Gatekeeper]

Hello Tally, My suggestion to your post is that You and your submissive sit down and thoroughly discuss as to what each of Y/you seek to get out of this relationship; likes/dislikes, any limits, expectations of E/each other, behavior inside/outside of the bedroom/dungeon, rewards/punishments, and so forth. This will make for a good understanding as to what is expected/required of E/each other in building a good foundation for the relationship. There is much more to be gained within a D/s relationship than instilling fear by dominating someone through means of physical punishment in order to achieve the submission You may seek. Balance of both nurturing the submission and the knowledge of punishment if the submissive fails to abide by the rules of engagement is a must. It's much more enjoyable for both parties when there is a clear understanding as to what is expected of E/each other and those expectation are met willingly and freely. I have many references on My profile page that may assist you in achieving what it is you may need to learn to further understand the roles of Dominant/submissive; to include a informal contract where those expectations can be listed and used as the guideline of Y/your everyday interaction with E/each other. It will require an indepth and open discussion between the two parties to openly identify what is it that Y/you both wish to get out of this relationship. Best of luck in accomplishing this.
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[MistressTally]

Thank You so much for Your reply. Before even reading this, I followed my intuition last night and now I find it is right along the lines of Your suggestions. I compiled an intro that talked about the interests of multiple subs so he could give me a clearer view of his "ideal Master". I also provided a formal contract complete with my own edits and within the lines of what is accepted as legitimate in the community and a list of my expectations. My sub seems to be the type who prefers me to decide what his wants are, and why he should be punished and how. Personally, I have difficulty pointing out flaws in those that I love, so I haven't provided a stern bar for my sub to reach for. I have created an atmosphere now, one that I hope to maintain, but it always feels so fragile and I rely on his obedience to drive my confidence and I'm not sure if that's where I've dropped the ball in the past or if it's something I can use as a part of who I am as a Master. I will definitely check out Your page, being a part of the community and being able to discuss these matters with others is really what I need to develop fully as a true Master. I appreciate You taking the time to respond, it is encouraging.