I am sorry

I hesitated before writing this. The thought won that you have the right to know why I left. It is not easy to tell, but I do.

I spoke sincerely about my being religious. I am a churchgoer. I knew I was a sinner. But I was weak.

Something happened when a Mistress with whom I played online started to call herself Goddess.

I believe in God. In one and only God. I don't believe in gods and goddesses. I wasn't willing to call her Goddess or give any religious homage to her. I told her so and I wrote about this in my blog.

Having written down God's holy name in BDSM environment, something happened to me. As if a demon had left me. I didn't find more pleasure in BDSM plays. I forced on myself my former behavior, but it didn't went well.

Recently I have read "The Story of O". It is several times expressly said in it that the submission of the heroine to her Master is like the submission of the believer to God. It seems not an exception. It seems to be the pattern of things. And it is idololatry.

My sudden leave happened as if a curtain would have gone down. I repent and change my life.

I apologize to the moderators and to anyone whom I offended with my surprise leaving. I go away without any judgment on others. But please don't seek me in email or IM. And I won't login here again to see how many views this blog entry has. Or perhaps it is deleted by the moderators. They have the right to do it.

Everybody was very nice to me in the Library. Thank you, my friends.