sweetlynaughty

Someday I’ll try again to find a Dom. But what if he’s not out there? What if “My Mr. Perfect” doesn’t exist?

I thought I found it this time, I thought it was going so well. Long phone conversations, texting every day, amazing sex, deep mental and emotional connection. We even had fun together, laughed during sex, lazy time spent resting in his arms or on the couch talking with our feet meeting in the middle. Everything was so easy. Except one critical thing:

RULE #1 Exchange forms of identification!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I let this one slip. He gave me hard time about this because “he said” he never did this before and his word should be good enough. Christ, just typing that I feel like a bigger asshole than I did a when this all unraveled. I didn’t think that was possible.

Humiliation? Oh I learned a new level of that when I had to delete one photo at a time from our sessions. Photos of me tied up, photos with writing on my body, and much more intimate photos. Photos, select, delete, over and over and over again. Slowly deleting the life I always wanted and thought I had. Slowly deleting photos that were based on lies.

I know better! I was taught better. I got…lazy? I was manipulated. Fucking dumb ass! I’m not a newbie or uneducated in the world of BDSM. I know better and STILL I let rule #1 slip. I’m lucky I didn’t’ get myself physically hurt or killed.

This weekend, I’m processing stupidity, humiliation, fear, sadness, anger, betrayal, well, all the steps of mourning a loss.

There is a bright side though. True friends that swarmed in to support me every step of the way. They called and texted for days during the process ending things with him. I really couldn’t have better mentors in lifestyle than these two friends.

So there is always a bright side, and things could always be worse. I thank God for what I have and what I escaped.

Someday I’ll try again. But not today.