lorem angelum

When I finally grew brave enough to take a step into this other part of myself, I never intended on leaving behind that which was always a part of me. I feel we all need a bit of balance in our lives, I cannot live the lifestyle 24/7. I know maybe some do and while I was involved it touched many other places in my life. I chose to give up the control of these things of which I had grasped tight to me all my life and felt it made me stronger. I did not hang my head in shame or embarrassment for other people knowing he took care of my needs, how I leaned and relied upon him in certain areas of my life. But we must have that balance for it to be a cohesive relationship. I am strong, upfront and forceful woman in my work life. To them I have not a submissive bone in my body *smile*. I can, inside of me think and rejoice at the confusion and disbelief that would reflect on their faces should they find out. How can they comprehend the NEED to be on my knees, to feel the touch of a hand running softly down my hair to suddenly grab it tight and pull, the sting and kiss of leather on my skin or the joy that flies through me at the whisper of “Good Girl”.
My most balancing factor is this, the beautiful young daughter I have in my life. She is a joy and keeps me grounded in the daily aspect of the other side of my lifestyle. She lends me strength in ways that no one knows, to keep going and not to give up when life seems to weigh hard on my shoulders. I NEED that bright smile, the chatter that comes at a mile a minute and the perfect moment when she says “I love you”. I have had to raise her by myself and it can be a difficult at times. But I wouldn’t trade it for all the riches in the world for she has enriched my life in ways only I can understand. She is the most accepting of my faults, a drier of many fallen tears and wise beyond her years. Sometimes she makes me feel like the child..*grin*, but her warmth always greats me at the end of the day and wraps me in loving arms. I have enjoyed watching her grow into the young woman she has become, but miss those times when I could just pick her up and cuddle her, without the “Really Mom”...*smile*. This is a saying I always loved…and added my own rendition to it…

“A rose can say “I love you”,
Orchids can enthrall,
But a weed bouquet in a chubby fist,
Yes, that says it all.
May we all enjoy the chubby fisted weed totters, because soon
the hand slenderizes and the weeds die.
Love every day of the chubby fisted, we
ed toting child,
the slender handed , phone toting adolescent,
and the beautiful, confident woman they become..KNOW you did a
FABULOUS job.

After I found this again among some writings I had, I realized balance in all aspects of your life is needed, even in this lifestyle. I have learned with the intense relationships that can come from the surrender of your MIND, BODY AND HEART that we must have another way to bring it all into focus. We, in my mind, must have the chaos of raised voices, loud music, clutter, work and the mundane routine of paying bills..*shrug*. We are all just human and must have the outlet of giving of ourselves in the moment…releasing all our strength to another, this allows us to pull it all back into ourselves to spread to the other aspects of our lives. I am a mixture of vanilla and dark chocolate, separate they taste good but when brought together finally, the combination is orgasmic in your mouth.