JuliusP

I was reminded of a D/s relationship I had a few years ago and I thought I'd put it out there.

I met a very submissive girl of 25, I was a few years older. We met in on a random comment thread on movie site. Time passes and I notice that she always reacted to my domineering nature in a submissive way. So one day I asked her if anyone had ever told her that she came off very submissive (by this time we were Skyping). She immediately looked down and started blushing. It was then I learned that she identified as a sub, had very little experience but knew that she wanted to serve. I had already planned on dating her (we happened to only live a few hours apart by car) but this was icing on the cake... honestly I should have seen it as too good to be true but we often see what we want to see.

So we begin seeing each other seriously, I established rules for when we were together and when we were apart and everything went well, for a while. Then I began to see the cracks, nothing flat out horrible but things that I couldn't abide from my "lady" (as she was referred). I began to notice that she would leave out things that she wanted to do that she knew I would not approve of, excuses started, and she seemed... I guess the best word would be irritated if she didn't understand why I made a decision that she didn't agree with.

Now if we were in a vanilla relationship there honestly would have been no problems. If we started vanilla and she decided to try at submission to see if she would want it, there would have been no problems but we started in a D/s relationship and she didn't say that she wanted something different. She simply subtly began trying to change us to a vanilla relationship.

By this time we were living together.

I sat her down one day and told her she seemed less than happy in our situation. I gave her the opportunity to tell me if she felt that the tasks I gave her were beyond her capabilities or her experience level and if she felt that there was something that she needed me to help her work on.

She responded that she was happy, felt the tasks were always challenging but that made them more rewarding and that she couldn't think of anything to work on.

I asked her why then, was she moving away from what I had established (I gave her the examples that had been happening) and she seemed shocked that I had picked up on her transgressions.

I got the answers that I expected to get which were that she loved serving but didn't like not being able to do what she wanted when she wanted. There was also not being able to do all of the things that some of her friends could do. There was also a lot of not knowing exactly what she wanted to do as far as job and the future and such.

But even with all of that she didn't want to be without me so she didn't just come out and tell me. Now, I wasn't upset, I simply sat back and thought about the situation.

In my mind I felt she was being honest with me and that's fine. Being my sub was out because I can't really do half measures in that regard. At the time, I could be in a vanilla relationship or I could be in a D/s relationship and that's how it was (now I truly believe I'm done with vanilla relationships).

The problem was I'm not being a Dom, I'm a dominant person. It's not something I've developed or tried to cultivate I just am. People do what I suggest, I'm not overly aggressive or intimidating, I just suggest things and people are inclined to do so. I'm good at leading people, I solve problems and I like it. It gives me a buzz. Horn sufficiently tooted.

Now I was in a difficult position, I wanted to be with her but the her I wanted was not the her I had anymore. She told me what she wanted and I couldn't very well tell her that she couldn't be who she wanted to be.

We tried to keep things going but I couldn't flip the switch to suddenly be okay with not having the set rules followed (as they no longer really applied) but her still wanting to be owned... when she wanted to be.

So the relationship deteriorated she moved back home and I moved on. We kept in touch for another year and a half and about eight months into that she tried to get things going again but, good points aside, I didn't go down that road. A person is who they are and we only change if we want to, never because of someone else.

So I guess the moral of the story if there is one is: Know what you want and don't settle for almost what you want.