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You smirk down at the girl,
She thinks she’s so strong,
But you know just how to crack her veneer,
Smudge glistening tears clear across her face,
The slap of your hand silences her lips.

Push and menace and hold her down,
Not til she breaks only til she’s close,
It’s sick how she accepts your hand around her throat,
You reward her with coldness at most,
But the bite of your tongue makes her smaller.


And even when ...

So good to be back and hopefully make up for lost time with real good friends that i have missed

So I spent 3 hours at the hemotologist today (blood specialist). I was talked to for a good while by his physician assistant, explaining what they found in My blood work and why I was there. I was told that My blood protein was high, and it was a concern....normal is 1-20. Mine was 30. So they drew more blood, and took a urine sample. They are trying to rule out multiple myeloma, which is a cancer of the blood plasma. Needless to say, I am very very frightened. I already have enough on My plate ...

Your kisses, like fire, burning where they touch
Your fingers the kindling, spreading the flame along my skin
And i am consumed by your using, every particle devoured…
Every breath my last


i've discovered something this weekend about my nature...about His hold on me...about this rapturous disaster that fills me again and again, sating this god-forsaken hunger with the sweetened bliss only He can give.

i watched moths come to the candle in ...

I got the results of the ct scan back last week. They showed severe degeneration in discs of the cervical and lumbar area. Also, the blood test still wasn't quite right so I go see the hemotologist on Tuesday, May 29th. Still waiting for an appointment with the neurosurgeon so he can evaluate what needs to be done to get Me out of this horrific pain....I will keep y'all posted and thank you for your concern.

Red

Can you count tears? Can you catch them, like diamonds, and put a name to each one? Lay them out on the floor, where you fell in grief, and order them in straight lines…trying to make some sense of the pain? Is it possible to contain them in a velvet bag like jewels, and take them to the one they were spilt for…trying to buy back their love?

Or do you just let them soak into the earth…to disappear with your very heart…

was sitting around missing my Sir, and began reading a recent note he sent me...how he considered me to be a "good girl", and everything that term meant to him. this is part of that note:



Good girls are intelligent and can be witty, they are interesting to talk with and like to smile and laugh. Their intelligence and wit allows them to be cheeky and, sometimes, to get away with it. Good girls are feminine because they like being women.
Good girls are ...

some days i can't find you,
and those are the days that test...torment,
the days when i lay at your feet in wait
patience, my virtue and my comfort.


some days you're all around me,
and i'm dizzy with love and light,
you humour me and enjoy me,
your pleasure is my joy.


some days you grip my heart fiercely,
and those are the days that bind me to you the closest,
when my surrender is demanded,
and you are ...

within you i lose myself…
without you i find myself
wanting to be lost again.

~unknown


Lost…what an appropriate term…i am so completely lost in you.

First, i lost my focus…ok, i could deal with that…wanting you every second was kind of exciting.

Next, i lost my heart…wow, didn’t expect that...wasn’t looking for it…how the hell did that happen ?

Then there went my mind…not so good that, i might need ...

Many of you here have been concerned about My ongoing health problems. This blog is to keep those people who are concerned and interested informed.
Just recently I was diagnosed with polyneuropathy. This morning I saw the neurologist and had an EMG. I do not have polyneuropathy. I have issues that stem from My spine. Which I have had for years, but now they are getting worse. He says at C5, (cervical spine disc number) there is a problem. He could see that on the EMG when he stuck the upper ...