Blog Comments

It's BDSMer bullshit.

How much do you expect and how soon? Connections don't jump up every day. Munches and socials are great except for one major thing...people there are either out and looking or out and showing off. If they are showing off they are with someone and probably not worth bothering with and if they are looking they are likely to leap where looking would be more appropriate.

Stop looking - get comfy in your own skin - build a shrine to H. Dean or stake out a plot of land and grow corn. I like corn. The main thing is - stop the hunt and the deer will come within rifle range.

poor baby

I await your realization that when you found a potential Master (or even a friend) you ran without even tasting.

I wish you the best and I certainly had hoped and expected that by the New Year you would have gotten past the walls you built up around yourself... walls that not only could keep others out but which inhibit your Self from escaping into the wonderland.

happy new year, chalsia - truly

GypsieCowboy

Yes, there is such a thing as a "velcro" collar. There's a certain level of fantasy attached to it for many people - and they want it more than actually wanting a real person to interact with. So the Dom offers the collar after the first online chat, the sub accepts it, the online play is hot and heavy for a few weeks...and then it's over. Until the next one comes along.

Frankly, it sickens me. Play is play and why not play online if that's what you want to do? A play collar, used as part of a scene, is a different thing. It is a physical way to control. But "the collar", the symbol of ownership, is more. Don't cheapen the symbolism of a ownership collar by treating it as something transient.

chalsia

you jump to conclusions and misinterpret and yet, somehow, I still want to get to know you closer and better and show you who you are and who you can be.

I am waiting, not just hanging around doing nothing you understand. But in the middle of everything else, I am waiting - for you to remember and realize and remember that for any relationship to work, both sides have to work at it. one thing you MUST learn is to ask questions and explain yourself and what you are feeling before you let yourself be carried away, far away...

GypsieCowboy

Feeling wanted and needed is part of our childhood, how much we need to be controlled is part of life for each of us.
For some, to be dominated is the breath of life.

Ok, well... Here's the "rule" if you want to call it that: you call people what you feel comfortable calling them, as long as it's respectful. The only time you need to use Sir/Ma'am is if you want. If a Dominant insists on it, they are utterly ridiculous. Respect is earned, not given on command.

Good luck

delia, the Chat Admin.

Is possible that the individual in the chat room who got upset, was over compensating, and the veteran was simply being honest.

"Me thinks he protests to much"

Plainsman

If this guy..got so bent out of shape just because you didn't adress him as sir...well in my opinion wasn't desreving of it. As for myself...I work for a living...don't call me sir...

chalsia,

put your insecurities behind you. Don't assume that everyone is watching you, waiting for you to make a mistake. And if someone jumps you, so what, they have just missed an opportunity to get to know you.

Look around, figure out who interests you from what they say or how they say it and discretely approach and introduce yourself. It just takes time.

Love the musings on your blog. Still making my way through them.

you do way too much crying
fooling yourself
and thinking about running away to hide

confused rambling, yeah that's there too
getting lost in words and thoughts that can do nothing
but interfere with experiencing

girl, girl, girl...

I would kiss away your tears
but I would also whip your butt and stretch your nipples

and see if there were rainbows in the tears that would bring to your eyes.

G.C. (you already knew that didnt you?)

Interesting train of thought. Some are very comfortable in their sexuality and lifesttyle choices and wear the collar 24 / 7. Others wear it at home, parties, etc. It really is what you are comfortable doing in different circumstances.

And, as you put it, the real collar is the mental state of belonging more than a physical device.

Some folks are of the opinion that any dom is a Sir or Mistress to any sub. Some subs seem to feel that way too. As far as I can see I would never Sir anybody that hadn't earned My respect although maybe if I were sub and a dom asked Me to do so I would comply... giving Him/Her the benefit of the doubt until He/She proved to be or not to be...

to some of us in the community Sir, Capital letters, sub, lower case letters are merely symbols and honorifics easily given and in My not-so-humble opinion not worth much.

but I seldom said Sir to anyone in My life, including supposedly superior officers, bosses, teachers... if you want My respect you will have to earn it. in fact I dont know your name if you and I haven't done something together and accomplished something together. friend, brother, slave, enemy, doesnt much matter. if you want an honorific or a name then you had better show Me that you have that much value.

such as you have done, C, simply by sharing your thoughts, words, questions, lovelinesses with Us.

-GypsieCowboy

Hmmm. My collar is arriving in a few days. I'm marrying my Dom in December. What it means to me I feel is beyond what he can comprehend. I am worried it will just be a passing fetish. In my life I can't wear a collar all the time. But when I'm home with him, I want it more than my engagement ring! So hopefully as time passes, the collar won't. Thanks for the read darlin.

c-

again you want to be controlled according to your fantasy and you involve pain in it (at least as a potential) and you mix reality with unreality as do so many of us,

but in private you tell Me that you are not a masochist, you dont like pain...

seems to Me I see a lot of confusion which is okay and maybe even good as your confusion leads you to look to find out who and what you are and who and what is the world in which you find yourself now and in which you may find yourself in the future.

but you misread My private words to you somehow

and took offense - offended by a sand castle you read into the words. I had tried to discuss so carefully so that exactly this would not occur and yet I obviously failed in that attempt. allow Me to try again.

I would be your friend and I would share any insights I might have and will try to share them in such a way that you do not misunderstand. My motives are pure - to enjoy your words and your sensitivity and your creativity and your groping as you try your best to ask and answer, to look and find. do not be afraid, especially here in this community where you will find people who wish to help and do not mistake this - you will have to differentiate between those who really want to help and those who merely want to take advantage. as in real life both exist here. but here you will find few if any who make judgments - as a community we accept and are open and nonjudgmental (old joke, "making judgments is bad") and in particular, any "criticism" I may offer is meant as constructive and helpful and if you are not certain what I mean, please rather than jump to conclusions, ask.

I am glad to see you continue your blogging. I do not want to lose your opening to have you go back to just lurking. lurking is looking and is fine but opening is so much better, so much more a growing thing. I encourage you to continue writing here and if My presence here interferes with that I will remove Myself. But I hope that is not the case.

I am responding publicly rather than solely in private because I must openly say that I think you are being a wonderful, reaching, productive and growing part of our developing community.

GypsieCowboy

Here is a place that you can set you normal hangups i the corner, and let yourself be immersed into the thuoghts and fantasies of bdms. You are safe amd secure in here as long as you remember to keep your identy secure.

You seem wonderfully intelligent, not afraid to express yourself in depth, spmepne I'd like to call a friend!

Don't worry to much about what others think or say. As one who also does a lot of "sitting and watching" (some call it lurking and take offense to it) in chat, I don't think it is a problem at all.
I am not sure what the situation was that induced you to think you "fell flat on your face" but again I wouldn't worry to much about it. We have all had our fauz paus and our moments of utter embarassment (the Doms to, sweety, even if they won't admit it). All in all this is a good community and a place to feel comfortable with yourself. This lifestyle is not about conforming to anyone elses beliefs or desires about what they think you should be. It is all about being what you are, what you want to be, where you feel comfortable with yourself.
There will almost always be someone around who can answer a questions, provide a strong shoulder or comforting lap. Take advantage of it and enjoy it. Just don't let them push you or tug you into being something or going someplace you don't want to be. Explore, chat, experiment, discover and learn exactly what and who you are and how best to take care of yourself.

TDS

been lurking for a while Myself...... happened to run across your lil blog...

to answer your question... why you are crying......



cause you have pathos... casue you are alive... cause.... regardless of everything...... it hurts..


The thing to remember about the experience... is.. how much it effected you... and.. if you wish ... to...experience it.....again...........

sound insane?... perhaps... yet... for many, the decision to go down the same path over and over again..... is the choice they make.... shrugs, dont ask Me why...

so.. it hurt.. so.... you learned something from it.. dont look back.. look forward.. and.. try.. not.. .to have history repeat itself...


ok.. thats My two cents worth..

good luck

-O

check your private inbox for a message from Me that was too long for the public commentaries and besides I am not sure you'd want everyone to be able to read it... you decide

G.C.

c-

I like watching and listening to your mind working.

For now, that is Enough.

GypsieCowboy

I recall being in 2nd or 3rd grade, living in the north side of chicago, on the 3rd floor of q 3 floor walk-up. the building next door, also a 3 story walkup was inhabited by -among others- a girl who was about my age. she and i used to spend a lot of time on her roof and we loved to play doctor/patient. and of course I would have to listen to her heart and palpate her chest and put my fingers and other items in her various orifices and this and that... sometimes we would play father and naughty daughter too. these were always her choices and I was always willing to go along.

one day I left some marks on her butt which her parents noticed at bathtime... she was punished and forced to tell the truth. my parents lectured me of course. hers beat her butt with much harsher weapons than any I had ever used.

she told me about it when she told me we could never see each other again. I spent weeks fantasizing about her punishment. until finally one day she came to me on my roof which was higher than her own, and she told me they were moving but that she wanted to spend some hours with me first before saying goodbye.

i cannot remember those hours but i can still watch them leave in their overstuffed vw bus and I do remember being very very sad... and then not being close to any other females for years. not until junior high in fact.

talk about topping from the bottom! I have never given up control like that since. but surely that experience helped shape the sexuality I have grown into.

thank you for your memories and for bringing up my long suppressed memory.

I truly enjoy reading your words and getting to know pieces of you here and there... I hope that these pieces will begin to form a whole that you will share with those of us who are growing to admire you and develop ... uh... feelings for you...

GypsieCowboy

It does not take a specified amount of time to touch or be touched deeply by somone. Sounds as though this woman was a very sensitive soul who was sent to you just in time to ease your entrance into the lifestyle... just before her G-d took her home. Of course you will feel badly, you were looking so forward to having more of her energy surrounding you in Light. But do not feel sorry for her,she is either nothing at all, waiting to be tapped for another life or with her G-d. And do not feel sorry for yourself, for you are on a great journey now and she used her Light to illuminate the path ahead.

be at peace little one. chalsia... be at peace and hang onto her Light so that you can bathe in it when you need to and so you can pass some of it on when it would be appropriate to do so.

GypsieCowboy

Ahhhhhhhh, I responded to a later post of yours before I looked at your earlier posts. I agree with you wholeheartedly. It is difficult to find somone to share your questions and needs with if you are looking among the babelonian hordes of co workers, friends, acquaintances, coffeehouse compatriots, etc. And the lifestyle goes beyond the bedroom yet there is no way I could ever want to be in control 24/7. I strongly believe that each of us needs encouragement to be an individual and to be strong enough to aim for his/her own needs to be met - to take and to give by choice, by educated and respectful and honest choice. I can see that I might meet someone again some time who I might wish to top in and out of the bedroom. I loved teaching and introducing and my previous relationship lasted 13 years, the one before that lasted 7 years. Being friends still with the woman from the 7 year relationship it is strange to know that now I am considered enemy of the more recent lady. But I look around at my many friends of the usually tender gender and know that I could never make love to any of them, could never accept responsibility for any of them. Yet I keep looking and hoping; and knowing that it might happen... I want to help as long as I can know that both parties are ...uh... enjoying (no)... growing into... growing with... turned on by... hmmmmmmmmmmm... having needs met by... oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh well, as the Big
Bopper sang in the 50s - Honey, you KNOW what I like!!!
-GypsieCowboy

I think that you cannot ever know until you experience your imaqinations. Of course there is fear (some believe that is a large part of the turn on. It is not necessary though for there to be pain to begin to experience being sexually dominated nor to begin to experience 24/7 control. On the other hand pain may be what you actually crave. In that case you can still set limits (but then you are topping from the bottom maybe) or you can try to very carefully choose someone to be gentle as they guide you gradually so that you can find your own real limits - or that you want to choose the person who will be in totaly control... so many questions, so many answers... masturbation is wonderful, I know but is not nearly enough and can become very frustrating. would you like to try to begin online or by telephone or have you tried the taskee position here in tasking? you live east or west of the mississippi; north or south of the mason dixon line; assuming you are an American Girl you will know those geographic terms... I would love to discuss with you in whatever manner suits you to begin with as long as you know that a beginning has to have an end...GypsieCowboy

yeah i know where ur coming from hun. i always have trouble taking the first step, going out on a limb and meetin gsomeone or talking with someone whos new...

today i get to go to my first munch, hopefully my fear of being so shy and meeting new ppl...hopefully you can get know someone who likes the same as you..i know its hard but you can do it!!