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I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should ...

Cracked

I perched upon a shaky wall
and pondered briefly, should I fall
the protective membrane around my heart
would surely shatter all apart.
and all the kings horses and all the kings men
would never piece me back together again.
I quickly peeked over the edge
and jumped from the safety of my ledge.
Motionless, lying brokenly
the pieces, all thats left of me.

Couldn't resist posting this. I wrote it February 19, 1984. I was just 16.


Ive given up
my silly ways
of getting your attention.
Im growing up
more every day
and I'm begging for your attention.

Im long past dolls
and puppy love
Im long past all those things.
Im giving up
these iron bonds
Im ready for my wings.

Im long past all those
"school girl dreams" ...

Some of these aren't so great. Keep in mind I wrote this and a few others of these when I was 16.


Blank

Those angry eyes
of love, defines.
And heated speech
of love beseech.
Common motion,
a new commotion.
we softly move,
into a groove.
whispered nights,
passion heights.
The silence grows
but, only shows.
we run to touch
or, just as much.
our soft desire
...

Portraits

Those vacant eyes,
unseeing blue.
Like calming seas,
or morning dew.

The cold, dark earth,
a brand-new grave.
The too-blank face,
of silent, brave.

You couldn't have known,
that he would go.
Severed roses
never grown.

Riding in cars with boys


You are silent,

dark and mysterious.

i stare out the window as we drive.


Without a word

You slide Your hand under my skirt.

i suck in a quick breath of air

and all the world disappears.


Your fingers

swirling, Swirling, SWIRLING

around the very core of me

and i am gone.

Rain

I stare into your eyes,
deep, dark, and brown.
And feel my sanity slowly slip away.

"Come here" you say.
I lower my eyes, and whisper
"You come and get me"

Like a storm you are upon me,
and I am lost.

The wind whistles,
blinding sheets of rain pummel the ground.
You throw me on the desk,
and capture my wrists in your hands.

Nose to nose, ...

A cut
which isn't seen
only felt.

Face to face
with a salted, silken blade
I made to fight
but the force was never seen,
only felt

May I ever win over this feeling
of hateful confusion?
To win over these lies?

but a voice,
so speechless.

Mom ~

I know you think sometimes that my distance from you is a sign of how I feel. Partly that is my fault because I never really tell you.

Loving you is like being a moth drawn too close to the flame. The fire is vibrant, warm, and beautiful. But if you get too close it will burn you. So I've learned how to fly all around and just outside the edges. Close... but not too close. I've learned how to keep from going down in flames.

If it seems I ...

Chasing Chaos

I will not call him. I will not call him. I will not call him.

I reminded myself of this for probably the 100th time today. Irrationally, I played with the idea that we could still be friends. Maybe he really didn’t mean the words he said to me 92 days, 8 hours, and 33 minutes ago.

I must be going crazy.



We were fated to have one of those explosively dramatic endings from the beginning. I’ve tried ...