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The Trials of Maria
Author: Rocky.
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(Added on Nov 5, 2008)
(This month 57426 readers) (Total 68991 readers) |
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The prison system overburdened, a young girl accepts a plea agreement sentencing her to slavery instead. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 17, 2010 |
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Story feels like the author wanted to cram as much situational punishments into too short a text.
I also have the feeling that some of the ideas came when the story was well underway and were added on the go, giving the whole a bit of an unbalanced look.
The narrative itself is a 'standard' set-up of an undetermined future where some form of slavery has been re-introduced.
The problem is, by letting bystanders do all kinds of nasty stuff to the defendants --or indeed the convicts-- the story doesn't paint a strict society, rather one where there's no law at all and everybody does what they want. Too chaotic to come across as 'believable'.
Characters are a tad shallow as well, being introduced only to give the author a canvas to unleash some of his fantasies upon, instead of creating a genuine feeling situation, in which the characters evolve and expand.
Not bad, but "The Trials Of maria" are a missed opportunity, me thinks.
JJ (7/10)
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- Replied by:
Rocky
(Edit) (Jun 18, 2010)
- Again, my thanks for the comments. They will serve only to make me a better writer...not that I intend to do this sort of thing for a living.
Again, this was one of those short tales I wrote trying to get my interest in finishing my other stories going. My intent with this one was to dehumanize Maria, to portray her as an object rather than as a person. As you noted, I didn't spend as much time on character development as I have in other stories, but that wasn't what I was looking to do in this particular tale. I wasn't all that happy with it myself; I was having problems figuring out how it would end, and finally used the old and tired spurned boyfriend track. Even with that, however, I figured it might provide some enjoyment for some readers.
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| Reviewer:
ramses
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 9, 2008 |
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Very nice start, but the description of her feelings could be more detailed. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
mstrger
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 6, 2008 |
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Nice start and if future chapters up to usual standard, I will be up-grading Rating in the near future. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
skp2bear
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 6, 2008 |
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Eagerly looking forward to the sequel. A little more to dxpress Maria's thoughts and feelings would help through the eyes of the sub. (9/10)
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