I have a tendency to care about stuff and I think WAY too much, so before I offend someone with my mind ramblings or rant or get accused for "generalizing" or get my head chopped of for giving inflammatory thread tittles, my apologies in advance.


This is going to be just a bunch of rambling, I am still trying to wrap my mind on where I stand...so please feel free to add your own thoughts and experiences unconstricted with what I say.

I have this trait...and its taxing on myself, so I can only imagine how much I irritate others with it...where I am able to see (and do) practical matter of things, but I refuse to give up my ideals. I am very dutiful (I wish I could get rid of that particular trait) and loyal, so when it comes to others I follow reason and do whats best for them. But when it comes to myself, I tend to be more "illogical". Some label that immature, childish, young, naive...I disagree, but they are free to think what they will.

The freedom to be themselves my people have paid in blood, and while that period today seems like it happened a thousand years ago and most have moved on to things more mundane, cynical and reasonable,...I seem to be still stuck on the notion where "I would rather go hungry than not speak up against wrongs being committed". I have an irrational need for "freedom" and "right". Hence my views on marriage...

I think it is highly unlikely I will ever get married, not because I am a "loose liberal infidel" (as I let most believe) who doesn't believe in it, but because I believe in it too much.

I think there is too much of it (marriage), I think people do it too easily, too laconically, for the wrong reasons and they often don't mean it....after all there is always divorce.

Yes, divorce is a necessary evil, but short of serious mental and physical abuse (and ironically, its those who rarely leave) I don't believe in it. Perhaps this has to do with me placing the value on marriage as a spiritual commitment, and not as a social institution/convention; but how can you be a religious person and believe in divorce? I don't understand how you can stand in front of God, or people, give your word, make a commitment...then one day take it back, just because its no longer convenient, because you have found something better, because you have to go and find yourself? (And I question that regardless of what religion and deity you subscribe to, even atheists believe in something.)

Which brings us to the matter of infidelity...

Recently, in a very strict conservative newspapers, there was a flood of harsh and insulting comments to and about a woman who chose to stay with the husband she caught cheating. My reaction to that was...how dare they, its none of their business (whatever happened to, "object now or forever hold your peace")....to me marriage commitment, to share good and bad, is something that happens strictly between two people (even in polyamorous relationships; and regardless of their sex). Is the notion of "two against the world" so stupid and idealistic?

Seeing all the vanilla people getting divorced "just" because he cheated and finding it silly, ever since I was 9, my firm view on that was:...as long as he doesn't fall in love with whats above the neck, sometimes sex is just sex, isn't it? What would be the deal breaker...is him lying, or even not telling me about it. Honesty and loyalty, I value above all else.

But recently, while still holding that belief, I began to question - is it really too much to ask of men to be sexually, as well as emotionally, faithful?

Why would you marry someone with whom you are not honest, someone to whom you cant trust?

How do you deal with infidelity (in more conventional relationships),...especially when there is an added element of bdsm involved?

What do you consider infidelity in bdsm? Is there such a thing?

Or does the dominant get to do what they want? What about sub?

What about domming and subbing others, is that considered infidelity?

What is considered infidelity in polyamorous relationships?