The Glossary of BDSM: BDSM Basics, Safety, Toys, Kinks & Fetishes

[thepast]

BDSM Basics

I. BASIC DEFINITION: BDSM COMMUNITY
II. TRADITIONAL FORMS OF BDSM
III. NEW AGE FORMS OF BDSM
IV. ROLES WITHIN THE BDSM COMMUNITY
V. BASIC ELEMENTS OF A D/s RELATIONSHIP
VI. COMMONLY USED REAL LIFE SOCIAL BDSM TERMINOLOGY


I. BASIC DEFINITION: BDSM COMMUNITY
BDSM—bondage, discipline/dominance, sado/submissive, masochism
Bondage —the art of restricting the movement of someone through physical, mental or emotional methods
Discipline —a tenant of BDSM, discipline ranges from the discipline of the Dominant to ensure the safety of the submissive, and self-control, to the discipline of a submissive in obeying the Dominant. Discipline remains one of the pillars of BDSM
Dominance/submission —the power play that physically & mentally occurs in a BDSM relationship
Sado-Masochism (S/M)—Sado Masochism is the giving and receiving of pain for erotic pleasure. A Sadist is one who gets pleasure out of giving the pain, and a masochist is one who derives erotic pleasure out of receiving the pain. The pain may be physical or mental, and may vary from very light (a bite, a pinch, a name-calling) to very heavy (caning, intense bondage, etc)
Lifestyle, the Community—the term often used by people to describe living life involved in the BDSM Community in real life
Vanilla —the term used by the Community to denote those who are not in the Community.
Scene name —due to privacy concerns, many participants in BDSM use a scene name, which may or may not be close to their given name. Often the scene name is used to identify themselves to others for all BDSM-related activities, both online and real life

II. TRADITIONAL FORMS OF BDSM
Old Guard & Old School—Old Guard was originally the BDSM community of gay leathermen, who lived by a code of formality, honor and brotherhood, embracing strict definitions of Top & bottom. Since the ‘70s, the traditions of Old Guard have expanded into what is now commonly referred to as Old School. Old School is a strict, formalistic tradition, embracing the ideals of discipline, respect, obedience, honor and promotes a stricter interpretation of privilege then many other BDSM groups. This notion of privilege within the Old School Community is a system based on experience, education, rank & levels. Today, Old School followers are a pansexual mix within the Community, including heterosexuals, lesbians, bisexuals and other. Old School follows a traditional collaring process, which progresses through various levels from training collar to permanent collar.
Gorean—one who follows the philosophies & tenants of Jon Norman’s Gor novels. The majority of real life, mainstream Goreans follow similar traditions as Old School, though tend to use different terminology, based on the Gor novels, and maintain a slightly different power and organizational structure. Online Goreans are an entirely different type of Gorean lifestyle then real life, and tend to be more involved in the role playing aspects of the Gor novels as a basis, rather then melding the Gorean lifestyle into their daily lives.

III. NEW AGE FORMS OF BDSM
New School —New School is Old School tradition modernized to be a less rigid system, inclusive of switches and more flexible guidelines involving training, discipline, rank/levels, and collaring..
Swingers —although Swinging has been around for a long time, their rituals, protocols and dogma tend to follow the New Age traditions. Swinging does not necessarily involve any BDSM play, physical or power-based, but is more of a vanilla sexual experience in which people exchange sexual partners.
Online —the online BDSM Community has sprung up in recent years due to the global rise of the internet. Online BDSM differs from real life BDSM in that the partners usually never have physical contact with eachother in real life, or such contact is limited. The online BDSM Community is as expansive and broad based as the real life BDSM Community, and may include everything from cyber sex to an online D/s relationship involving tasks and play.

IV. ROLES WITHIN THE BDSM COMMUNITY
D/s & M/s —nomenclature used to show a Dominant/submissive or Master(Mistress)/slave relationship. Not all BDSM relationships involve D/s or M/s, though most do.
Dominant & Top—one who takes control in a scene or BDSM relationship and is erotically charged from doing so. Often, the term Top is used to refer to those who choose to be Dominant only within a scene or a specific period of time, rather then over the long term in a relationship. A Top usually is in physical control of a scene, whereas a Dominant is in physical and mental (power, control) control of a scene relationship. A Dominant may choose to go by a title of service (Sir/Ma’am, Master/Mistress, My Lord/My Lady, etc.) or by their given name or a scene name or combination thereof.
Domme —a Domme is a female Dominant. Although the term “Dominant” is generally construed to include females and males, traditionally a female Dominant is called a Domme.
Submissive, Bottom, Slave—one who gives up control, both physical (bottom) and mental (submissive) during a scene or BDSM relationship. A slave is often understood to be a submissive on the extreme end of the scale, who has given up complete power & control to their Dominant, though various BDSM traditions view the term differently. A submissive (sub) is often referred to by a pet name (pet, baby girl, handsome, etc.) or may be objectified by the use of a sexual term (whore, cunt, toy, etc.), or referred to by their given or scene name.
Alpha sub—an alpha sub is usually the term used to describe the number one submissive, or the submissive in charge, in a polyamorous relationship that includes more then one sub.
Switch—a switch is a term in controversy within the Community. The most commonly accepted definition of a switch is one who derives erotic pleasure from being both a Dominant and a submissive, though usually not at the same time, and not necessarily with the same partner.


V. BASIC ELEMENTS OF A D/s RELATIONSHIP
Total Power Exchange (TPE)—the original term used to describe 24/7 M/s or D/s relationships. Currently often used to describe any BDSM real life relationship in which a Dominant & submissive live together and enjoy some form of daily power exchange.
Absolute Power Exchange (APE)—a more recently developed term used to describe a formalistic 24/7 M/s relationship, which most often involves complete power control by the Master/Mistress over the slave. The relationship does not always include a vanilla relationship (i.e. marriage), but is based in the APE between the Master/Mistress & slave.
Respect —respect is the number one most important element within the Community and is viewed as an essential part of every relationship. Regardless of role, respect is a constant necessity for all members of the Community in every situation. Respect of others includes not only respecting members’ roles, sexuality and relationships, but also kinks and fetishes.
Obedience—one of the tenants of more formalistic BDSM tradition, obedience by a submissive or slave to a Dominant serves as a foundation for the relationship. Obedience usually extends beyond simple commands, rituals & protocols to more detailed aspects of the relationship.
Protocol—protocols are a series of Community-wide procedures and actions used in various situations to show respect, discipline, and obedience. Protocols can also be developed within a D/s relationship to show the same.
Rituals— rituals are a group of actions usually dictated by the Dominant to the submissive that are performed at a periodic interval in a specific manner. Rituals may serve to remind the submissive of their place in the relationship, provide the submissive time to think, provide service to the Dominant by the submissive, or many other things.
Collar—a collar is the object used in a BDSM relationship that is analogous to a marriage ring. It denotes the relationship between a Dominant & a submissive and is traditionally, a collar is worn around the neck by the submissive, but recently has also begun to be worn around the ankle, wrist, or finger. A collar may be made out of a variety of materials including metal chain links, leather, etc, or may be a vanilla piece of jewelry used for the purpose.
Collaring Ceremony –a formal ceremony that takes place between a Dominant & submissive when the submissive accepts the collar offered by the Dominant.
Capitalization—Used in more formal BDSM written tradition to denote the difference between a Dominant and a submissive name. A Dominant’s name is capitalized, while a submissive’s name is not.
Punishment—1.) Used by a Dominant to correct an physical or verbal action done by the submissive; 2.) An erotic role play scene, often centering around corporal punishment (i.e. caning of a schoolgirl)
Contract —a contract can be used for something as short as a scene or for as long as a 24/7, years long agreement between two or more partners. A contract is a formal, written document designed to outline the parameters, rules/roles & limits of a scene or relationship and is most commonly used when both/all partners desire a more formalistic relationship, though contracts are sometimes used in an informal sense as well.
Sub/Dom Space & Drop —Space & drop are terms associated with intense play sessions. Space is sometimes described as “heady” or “airy”—when one doesn’t feel the pain or pleasure, or the feelings may be incredibly intense & sharp. Space varies for each person. The safety concern with Space is to ensure the person is properly supported—physically, emotionally & mentally—and to know that when in Space, a sub or Dom may be unable to communicate normally and thus may not be able to communicate their needs. It is imperative the partner closely watches for the signs of Space & knows what to do. Drop can occur if one is in Space & falls out of it too quickly without support, or may occur up to 24 hr later, when the reality of the play session hits the person. Drop can result in physical changes, emotional withdrawal and the incapacity to communicate properly. The best thing to do is comfort & ensure security for the person experiencing the drop, and wait for it to pass.
Tasking —a Dominant gives a task, or a certain action, to the submissive to complete. Tasks may range from certain erotic pleasures such as edging, or non-erotic tasks, such as housework. Tasking is a common feature of online D/s because it is feasible without the Dominant & submissive being in physical contact.

VI. COMMONLY USED REAL LIFE SOCIAL BDSM TERMINOLOGY
Scene—1.) A specific play session, often planned ahead of time & negotiated; 2.) “the scene” referring to the larger community of BDSM
Play—often used to describe a scene, or much less structured, formal BDSM activities
Roleplay—often describing when the submissive and/or Dominant takes on another role for purposes of a scene (ex: Prisoner/Interrogator, Puppy/Owner)
Munch—a social, public gathering, usually local, of members of the BDSM community. Sometimes are more narrow in focused by kink, fetish, role or orientation. Usually munches are informal occasions, more of a “cocktail party” atmosphere, but may include seminars or speakers, and may be followed by a play party
Play Party—a public gathering, which can be at a multitude of locations (private home, public dungeon, etc.) that includes some form of play & scening