My problem (which is almost as parallel to Fight Club as the quote) is that I still am. Well, a ‘nice guy’ who just happens to get off on women being humiliated, being tied up and make to squirm and scream with agony and unrestrained lust, on controlling someone else in a relationship so unequal that it would make Victorianism seem like a progressive feminist movement (almost at least). But also a nice guy who believes in equality, human rights and the intrinsic worth of all human being on account of nothing more than being just that, human; a leftist, politically progressive, tolerant guy with feminist friends who just happen to like watching, and perhaps participating in the torment and degradation of women in his spare time… You see my predicament?

Well, I know that a lot of you are probably soon going to tell me that as long as whatever I choose to do is safe sane and consensual I’ll be all right. That being liberated as a woman includes being free to submit to someone else (at least unless one is an anti-sex feminist, but even if I wasn’t kinky I’d still disagree with those). And that as long as I respect women when I’m not ‘scening’ I’m alright.

And I agree with all that. But don’t you other guys still get worried sometimes? I mean: My problem is not so much actually doing these things, it’s my being turned on by them. It’s the fear that the reason I like this is that I’m really a misogynist who’s intimidated by women in power and therefore wants to see them on their knees… What worries me is what kind of ‘sick’ motivation makes me, the ‘nice guy’, turned on by harming and humiliating another human being?

I’m relatively new in all this. I’ve had these fantasies for perhaps 5 years (I’m 23) and apart from role-playing, stories, fantasies and such I haven’t taken the step to ‘real life’, yet. But as get closer to consider taking these things to real life I worry about this more and more. I can’t help feeling things would have been so much easier if I happened to be a submissive masochist instead of a dominant sadist.

Does any of you else share these worry?

I could imagine some of you female submissives could have similar misgivings (that the urge to submit is perhaps an urge to ‘go back’ to being a repressed woman)…

Anyway I hope some of you guys feel like sharing their thoughts. Just writing this and getting it of my chest feels good at least.