I really don't know how to go about saying this but I will try. I have noticed that most people on the forum are quite young and new to this lifestyle. I am not young lol and not new to it, and I am getting so frustrated with everything.

The first thing is I cannot have any kind of vanilla relationship it turns me completely off. I have tried this kind of relationship and it just made me depressed and miserable. I have had a couple of really good BDSM relationships in the past.

Secondly I have in the past few months been meeting guys who are Dom or say they are. Most of the time they have been fakes but one or two have been the real thing. The thing is that they are either married or attached to someone who is only into vanilla. So I am just stuck in these casual kind of things. One guy I see is not attached but he does have several other subs. The time I spend with him is fantastic and I have found out a lot of things about myself.

The thing that frustrates me here is that I want something more than just the odd casual meet. I want to meet someone that I can develope with and find out my true limits but I need to have trust to do that. Lately I have been taking stupid risks meeting guys I hardly know. I just crave to be completely dominated and controlled.