@maliha
there are ways to unlearn errecting barriers but think of this: you have learned to react a certain way in a moment when you needed this barrier to protect yourself from something.. you need to consider now: is this the right moment to unlearn it, to let my protection down or do I still need it in any way. I have learned that in a context where I know all others in the room are into bdsm too, I can let my barriers down. It does not mean IŽll be submissive towards all others but that I let them know where I stand and if someone shows interest I get to know them and so become more comfortable around them and decide then how to treat them. Also being silly loud and brash is a way to overplay selfconciousness.. so is there something that would make you feel more secure in a moment like that? Do you catch yourself during this act or after? If you realize that you are acting that way, would it help you to take a deep breath and tell the person youŽre with that you are sorry for beeing silly, but that they make you feel a little insecure? So that they would know to put this into perspective and not give up on you and as a means to let your guard down a little? I know this is hard, but keep trying, youŽre not alone :-)
deigja