D is for Domspace

[_ID_]

Ok, I poked around and took a few suggestions, but the one I thought would generate the most discussion is Domspace.

So that is the current letter for the remainder of the month. If we generate enough interest to make it a full moth of posting, thats fine, we can do that no problem.

Onto the subject.....

Domspace - Similar to subspace in that it is a result of endorphins that are released during a scene. Though the experience is different.

I found the following paragraph and though it expressed what I wanted to say...

Domspace seems to be less common than subspace, and many have said it requires a pretty intense bond with the person you are playing with.

Domspace has many similarities to subspace. The dominant may lose focus in his or her surroundings, and only have the ability to pay attention to the submissive and the scene in front of them. Once again, noise and activity around you becomes something easily ignored and your body may physically be able to go on longer and harder than normal. I have seen and heard of dom's entering "domspace" when doing long and intense flogging scenes especially. Floggers become heavy and hard on the arms and shoulders after awhile. The endorphins of domspace can often push you to go further and longer despite the physical limitations you normally might feel.

Another characteristic of domspace I've heard of is a feeling of really 'clicking' with the submissive, becoming more confident in your abilities to pleasure the sub and give them what they need. You use all of your senses to read the slightest signals she might give off. A good friend of mine worded his own experiences as such: "You try to merge your mind with hers, give her exactly what she wants before she even knows what it is." It can be such an incredibly intense and erotic bond that nothing and no one else exists, and the experiences shared in those moments are invaluable.

Some doms are acutely aware of their responsibility in a scene and are not willing to lose that spatial awareness in fears of not being able to do their part in keeping the scene, and the sub, safe. It is vital that the scene starts out safely. The potential for harm can increase dramatically if both subspace and domspace are not kept in tight perspective.

Domspace may also come with feelings of heightened 'power'. Some doms may feel more sadistic when in this state of mind, and more able to inflict pain on their submissive and enjoy the results more that normally would not be as arousing or pleasant. For others, it can form an almost obsessive desire to please or push their submissive as far as possible, a desire to give him or her everything s/he wants and make the scene as positive and memorable as possible. Sometimes even for both sub and dom initial fears and hesitations of a certain act or scene can fade and become more appealing and even exceptionally thrilling once they drift further and further into the experience.

Both subspace and domspace are usually very positive and powerful feelings for those involved, and incredibly intense to observe from a bystanders point of view. However, they do come with dangers and do require a lot of attention to remain positive experiences long after the 'high' of the rush has faded.

Domspace has been mentioned only a few times here on the boards...

One of them was by ruby in the 'sub space' thread.

Ruby wrote:

An adrenaline high as such can be great fun, but
...... it's got nothing to do with "subspace". It is an adrenaline kick.
Fun, exciting, addictive is some way. In other words, from anything like a
15 to 30 minutes "quicky" you don't enter "subspace", but you probably will
get an adrenaline high. Oh, what most dominants describe as their "domspace"
is very likely to be an adrenaline high as well.

The other was by myself in the thread about Master Drop.

Where I stated....

When I am in a scene with a submissive. I get involved in it to the point of being so focused, so in tune with them that I sense each muscle movement, each flex of each limb. I am aware of any movement within my vision. For example when I do a sensual flogging or cropping or caning, I work up quite a sweat, and so naturally some endorphines will be generated. I have talked with some people, and they describe this as a Dominants version of subspace, and refered to it as Domspace. I have also talked with people that say if you are at that level of an endorphine high you are not in control, and are in danger of harming the submissive/bottom. I disagree with them since due to my heightened level of attention to the surroundings I am more aware of their need to slow things down, or increase the intensity. I take breaks during all this to vary the impact and heighten the sensations that the body is feeling.

So, lets hear your thoughts on Domspace, your experiences with it. Good and bad. I would like to see perspectives from people that have seen it, as well as have felt it.

V/R
ID

[lily27]

I really have nothing to add to this, other than to say it is a very fascinating topic, and I can't wait to hear what people have to say about it.

A great first post, ID.

[Guest 91108]

I have experience something like this but now in the BDSM scene as much as my use of my "empathic skills to attune to the deep emotional goings on at the time." This comes even more into play during online sessions of... whatever you wish to call them . cybersex being to me a negative term.
but i have been told they feel as well as i what is going on. so.. the factual explanation of it to me lies in metaphysical characteristics that most on the board probably won't give a hoot about.
so carry on back to regularly scheduled programing.

[_ID_]

Wolfscout- Interesting aspect of the idea of Domspace! Would you mind elaborating more? I find what you write to be very interesting!!

lilly - Thanks for the kind words!!

ID

[Guest 91108]

Wolfscout- Interesting aspect of the idea of Domspace! Would you mind elaborating more? I find what you write to be very interesting!!
...
ID

I'm not sure what you're wanting me to elaborate on.

[_ID_]

I'm not sure what you're wanting me to elaborate on.

Well, I thought that maybe some more in depth description would be cool to read. I haven't ever heard anyone describe domspace the way you just did. I was wondering if you could give a longer version, the thoughts, the feelings, the sensations. Its a very interesting aspect of this that I hadn't come across. I really want to hear more.

ID

[Guest 91108]

ok. lemme see.
There are people who can pick up on the feelings, emotions of others ie. Empaths.
These people either choose to develop the skills or through parents and societal influences they are forced to suppress the ability.
I feel it's something we all have if we wish to use it - much like intuition, going with your gut, etc.
There is a subculture of Empaths who can not only feel from others but can return or send emotions, sometimes if the recievee is sensitive to this they can guide and aid in the emotions to include, self esteem, pleasure and pain intensity.
The sending and receiving of such 'energies' is mutually rewarding.

It is through this Theory/technique that I am able to understand the initial post. and relayed that here.

Is that what you had in mind?

[_ID_]

ok. lemme see.
There are people who can pick up on the feelings, emotions of others ie. Empaths.
These people either choose to develop the skills or through parents and societal influences they are forced to suppress the ability.
I feel it's something we all have if we wish to use it - much like intuition, going with your gut, etc.
There is a subculture of Empaths who can not only feel from others but can return or send emotions, sometimes if the recievee is sensitive to this they can guide and aid in the emotions to include, self esteem, pleasure and pain intensity.
The sending and receiving of such 'energies' is mutually rewarding.

It is through this Theory/technique that I am able to understand the initial post. and relayed that here.

Is that what you had in mind?

Wolfscout - Sorry for not commenting on this earlier... I wanted to think it over.

The answer is yes, this is what I had in mind!! Thanks!

moptop - Thanks for your thoughts on it, its great to see multiple views of something so very seldom talked about!

Havensov - I can understand the fear of loosing control in your case. I had anger problems as a youth, and never did get a proper outlet for it.

I find now that when I am getting ready for a scene, I mentally prepare myself by playing out the scene in my mind prior to beginning. I take the physical feedback as well as any sounds or changes in breathing to understand if I am taking the submissive past a point of comfort. When a submissive is prone on their belly, I find the shoulders give me the most information. So when I do slip into Domspace, I am so in tune with the feedback the submissive is giving, that I don't fear hurting them, and that fuels my efforts to continue the scene and intensify it if that is what the sub needs. Not sure if I conveyed my thoughts on this well enough to illustrate what I see as an inner calm, rather than an angry loss of control.

V/R
ID

[rooshoe]

ok. lemme see.
There are people who can pick up on the feelings, emotions of others ie. Empaths.
These people either choose to develop the skills or through parents and societal influences they are forced to suppress the ability.
I feel it's something we all have if we wish to use it - much like intuition, going with your gut, etc.
There is a subculture of Empaths who can not only feel from others but can return or send emotions, sometimes if the recievee is sensitive to this they can guide and aid in the emotions to include, self esteem, pleasure and pain intensity.
The sending and receiving of such 'energies' is mutually rewarding.

It is through this Theory/technique that I am able to understand the initial post. and relayed that here.

Is that what you had in mind?

Funny - the idea of all things being connected is something i've been studying quite intensely lately and - BAM! - here it is, popping up on my favorite forum community! Synchronicity at its best, i think.

I've felt that emotional connection once in a while, where i and another person are completely on the same wavelength. It's something that i have found makes the difference between a "good" relationship with someone and an outstanding, mind-blowing experience. I don't think sharing this complete one-track-ness with someone during a scene puts anyone in danger; it's being super-coordinated with another person. It's "being" before thinking about being, and that is essentially the connection i think those in Dom-sub relationships strive to have.

[mina]

Great topic!

I disagree with them since due to my heightened level of attention to the surroundings I am more aware of their need to slow things down, or increase the intensity.

Yep, we (Master and I) agree with you on that.

[Havensov]

Unfortunately I have never been into Domspace (Warp 9 Mr. Sulu, we must break into Domspace... sorry, had to)

I would say that I have had something similar, and it did happen during, or should i say the end, of a BDSM session but it was purely sexual. I had my sub bent over the bed and i was taking her, i got to a point where there was no conscious thought, just the raw animistic fucking... this went on for i really don't know how long, but i do remember that the only thing i was thinking of was her, me, and the hard, rough, growling fucking that i was giving her.

So, i wouldn't call it Domspace, because even tho i was being dominate at the time, the same could happen to anyone that was engaged in out and out fucking.

But, i would say that knowing myself, i probably will not let myself get there. Self control is something that i work very hard on for many years, letting that go... I just don't know.

(Plunk plunk) my 2 cents.

[_ID_]

Unfortunately I have never been into Domspace (Warp 9 Mr. Sulu, we must break into Domspace... sorry, had to)

I would say that I have had something similar, and it did happen during, or should i say the end, of a BDSM session but it was purely sexual. I had my sub bent over the bed and i was taking her, i got to a point where there was no conscious thought, just the raw animistic fucking... this went on for i really don't know how long, but i do remember that the only thing i was thinking of was her, me, and the hard, rough, growling fucking that i was giving her.

So, i wouldn't call it Domspace, because even tho i was being dominate at the time, the same could happen to anyone that was engaged in out and out fucking.

But, i would say that knowing myself, i probably will not let myself get there. Self control is something that i work very hard on for many years, letting that go... I just don't know.

(Plunk plunk) my 2 cents.

I think what you achieved could be likened to Domspace, without the BDSM aspect of it. As far as letting yourself go, hmm, I guess I didn't think of it that way, since I felt more in control than out of when I did reach it. (just adding my loose change here)

Thanks for adding to the discussion!!

ID

[Havensov]

Well, for me, i guess my worry would be going to far. I had some issues with violent tenancies when i was a kid and taking fights to far. i would be worried of the same happening here.

My parents enrolled me in Ikedo(SP?) as a kid to deal with it, and to teach me self control under stress. So i guess for me, the sexual side is the closest I will get.

[moptop]

I am very pleased that Domspace should be discussed, it seems a much neglected phenomenum.

I know Domspace is for, well, Doms - but I would like to say that I have, in one relationship only, encountered an intense mental and emotional as well as physical closeness; not every time we played or made love, but sometimes, when things were particularly intense, we would momentarily lock eyes and I could see (although as a sub at such times you're not thinking as such) straight into him and he into me, we were both outside of ourselves and I knew that he was in my space with me. It was quite amazing. Every slightest twitch of a muscle, every single drop of my sweat, I knew he was aware of and could feel it almost as though it were his (it was very much in that direction, i.e. I was not aware of him physically to the same degree, although highly nevertheless). The heightened trust and openness I felt towards him at those times was remarkable (and did lead to some more dangerous play at times, he did have to fight for his own control). After these sessions, he would be quite as exhausted as I was, even if he had not been particularly physically pushed during it, from the emotional/mental aspect.

I would like to know whether people think that a Dom can/will go into Domspace without that closeness of connection with his sub (and please, think Domme/her etc.), or whether it is something that is only achieved through or with close emotional/mental linking.

I do hope that made sense! it's not exactly easy to describe...

[Guest 91108]

moptop, i think the answer is yes; but i only have my own experiences with which to pull the answer from.

[Guest 91108]

wouldn't there be some sort of innate wrongness if there was "an angry loss of control" as seems to be part of the concern here? just curious as, let's not forget, i'm new to the BDSM scene.
lossing control while punishing in any scene or situation would become abusive would it not ?
or am i looking at it wrongly... ?

[_ID_]

Wolfscout - yes, loosing control during a scene, punishment or not would be bad anyway you look at it. What I am referring to is an enjoyable scene. One done to the enjoyment of both the submissive as well as the Dom. A scene can be brutal to the observer, and yet enjoyable to the submissive that is in the scene. Take canning for instance. The act of canning is quite brutal, leaving single welts upon the areas of the body that are struck. Yet to the person receiving the canning, its quite enjoyable. Now if the Dom were to use a cane in a manner that was too harsh, or were to cause bleeding from a tip impacting the body, and didn't do anything to tend to the wound. This could be perceived as abuse. Unless the submissive was seeking this type of play.

So yes, loosing control is not a good thing, and when a new dominant wants to try something, going slowly would be a wise thing. Depending on what they want to do, they might want to seek a coach of sorts.

V/R
ID

[Havensov]

Ok, to see if i have gotten my own mind around the conversation. DomSpace is more like a focus of energy to the loss of your surroundings, not a loss of control.

If this is the case then, OK, I'm good with that and would allow it to happen.

IDC- As for shoulders, you are correct for the shoulders tell allot about a persons physical state. When sword fighting, the shoulders are the tell tale of what someone is going to do when swinging a sword. If you can read these moves then you can counter. But it is also true in everyday life, slumped shoulders usually mean depression, high shoulders stress, forward concentration, back, relaxing... etc... and this very rough, each person is different.

Have i got it IDC

[Guest 91108]

IDCD, yes i thought so was trying to make sure i understood.

[_ID_]

Havensov - Yes, thats correct. In the beginning of this thread, I quoted myself, and in the link to that quote, someone (don't remember who at the moment, but I think it was Oz) stated that Domspace could be similar to meditation, in that you become very focused on the task at hand, all other things that don't pertain to the scene, either fade to oblivion, or you sense everything around you. Even the breathing of others.

I don't remember the phrase that was used, but I thought his comparison was very accurate.

Wolfscout - I am glad to help!

V/R
ID

[Havensov]

Zen BDSM..... With my thoughts alone you shall cummmmmm..........

Sorry just what popped in my head at the thought of meditation in a scene. Using that as a base, and not the thought of losing control i could see myself doing this. I would even go so far as to draw parallels between this and having the same effect happen when sword fighting or playing paint ball or some other activities.

Interesting, I guess my next question would be circumstances? Now i understand that will all things that it would be different for every person and maybe even different every time for each person, but would there be certain circumstances that have been met each time one would enter this state? Say, for someone it has only accrued during flogging by candlelight when the sub is in a particular position.

I don't think that this is something that i will strive for but i will now be more aware of this feeling during my next sessions. Thank you.

[janine80]

Loved the topic..! i found it Very interesting.

[Amberxiao]

I know this is old, but I wanted to add on to the meditation thing.

I've been a pagan much longer than I've been involved in BDSM, and one of the things I do a lot of is pathworking or guided meditation. Basically, this is a kind of meditation where someone else reads something and you experience it first hand. There are different levels to it, from as close to waking as reading to a more dreamlike experience. I tend to go very deep, compared to others, provided I have a decent lead-in, and when I come out of it, I'm generally cold, stiff, hungry, and have a full bladder (regardless of the lack of drinking during the meditation). I'm very comfortable in space, and find it relatively easy to move from a deeper space to a more "normal" space.

To me, subspace and Domspace are the same thing as this deep meditative space -- it's a heightened awareness of the Reality that is playing out on this deeper, less literal level, where you, for a moment, become what you are playing as a role. The deeper you go, the more real this alternate reality becomes, so there is a danger of abuse if your alternate reality includes things like non-consensuality. For this reason, I tend to go deeper into subspace than I do into Domspace.

I wouldn't say it is endorphins... at least, not the space I go into, since I tend to start going into it right away, at a very mild level through a meditative approach.

However, I realize that this is how I've experienced things, and not necessarily the same thing other people use those names for.

[SirJay]

Well I must say, Being new to this forum and any other BDSM Forum I can gladly say this topic caught My eye. Very interesting.

You have very good points in Your post. I agree fully and I can relate to all of it. When I am in a scene I feel that way, But I do not let Myself get as deep as I can go for the fear of things getting out of hand and Me harming My baby. I do get in pretty deep though. Heh. I love it.

[Rhabbi]

For me, there are two times I use Dom space.

One is when I have a regular sub and am punishing her. I realize this is necessary for a number of reasons, but I truly despise having to do it, and thus Dom space. I find that I click better with my sub if I can just be me and not add a layer of play between myself and my sub.

The other time is when I am doing a scene with a sub that I have not bonded with. I guess this keeps me focused on the limits and the other pre-arranged things that I need to track. This allows me to step outside myself and keep an eye on both her and myself.

[bip0lar]

whoa, thank you SO much for starting this post IDCrewDawg, i didn't even know such a thing existed. And thanks to everybody who added their experiences/views on the topic, it was fascinating to read so far

[_ID_]

You're welcome. I have felt for sometime that mental growth is a key component to a healthy trek through the BDSM experience.

[Tojo]

I think I can relate to what Wolfscout says- it's essential IMO to be 100% in tune with one's sub for things to go right.

To do that, it's necessary to go into a kind of headspace or different plane, where all distractions are forgotten, where there's just the two of you in the whole world.

[angelic.zest]

bump...
very interesting thread, even tho im not a Dom but its still a good read!

[sardis]

ID and all responders...

Thank you for the post and the realisation that Domspace is not just my danger zone...

I have experienced this with my sub and felt concerned by the powerful force that I'm not sure I'm in control of. A pretty bad place to be in a scene....

And to talk about it...to realise others have he same experience is to name what I;m experiencing.

It;s something I very definately don't want to lose...but I also need my sub to be safe...

It's the dangerous edge of things we seek.

Sardis