Did any of You discover BDSM by dating a sub?

[captive_colgada]

I'm not a lifestyle submissive. I've been there and it got me in an incredibly unhealthy, frightening situation (not that I think this is the norm, but sometimes one bad experience can turn you off of something). Still, in the bedroom i crave nothing more than to be controlled and to have my Master take care of my needs by allowing me to take care of His...*wipes drool from chin and snaps back out of dream world* My boyfriend is the most wonderful human being I've ever had the fortune to know. He's intelligent, gentle, caring, kind, attentive, and he makes me feel safe to express myself and be 100% honest with him. Since introducing Him to BDSM, He's been picking up very quickly. He researches everything heavily before attempting it, and He makes sure i communicate any concerns i may have. Little by little He's been breaking down the barriers He was afraid to cross because "nice guys don't tie up their girlfriends right?" The only issue i'm having is that He never initiates this sort of thing. If i request it, He'll take over and do all the deliciously dirty things i love, but only then. i'd really like to have Him whisper something dirty in my ear or give me an order without me explicitly saying i'd like for Him to. i guess my question is, did any of You ever have a similar experience when You were just starting out? Did You have worries or doubts that made You hold back and if so, how did You overcome them? He says He genuinely enjoys being a Dom in the bedroom because in real life he doesn't typically seek out positions of power or act aggressively so it's a nice release, but if that's true, why doesn't he ever start the play?

P.S. I'm aware the capitalization isn't consistent. He and I agreed that since the Dom/sub and boyfriend/girlfriend aspects of our relationship are two different sides of ourselves, how we write or talk about each should reflect that.

[XxAlicexX]

Hi captive_colgada,
You're very lucky to have found the best of both worlds first of all. I'm very similar to you in that I like a vanilla relationship and a BDSM sex life. Finding a Dom who appreciates that is a trick and a half! For me the big issues are food and money, I'm high raw vegan so I can't have someone put a plate of carcasses in front of me and expect I won't run for the door and I'm not willing to pay someone's bills either. I like partnership in most areas.
I had the experience of introducing someone hoping it would work out and it wasn't long before the lifestyle control was out of control and the kinky sex was out the window. Poof!
In short what I'm saying, though it isn't my place to do so, is be patient and exuberant in your service. He may come to crave this as much as you do. A good man is a good man, it sounds like he's doing his best to grow for and with you so hang in there.
I hope others will be able to offer you more insight. I wanted to show my support though, I'm trying to be more active and supportive. I'm fairly new here(:
Alice

[tek27]

I met a sub on okcupid and she wanted me to dom for her which i did. Then i found fetlife and became a sub and then i became a switch.

[dom1964]

Hey :
Sounds like you both are a little confused on your parts but it sounds like you both are headed in the right direction
I am unclear as to how you want this do want vanilla realationship or Bdsm it sounds like both so you both will have
to figure out the time and place for these to exchange neither of you are mind readers i suppose so one of you will
have to step up and take charge and decide when these will work . PS : dont worry bout the spelling

[slaveboy 6]

I don't think it's unusual to have a bdsm relationship in the bedroom or even a dungeon, and to have a vanilla one outside of them. That's exactly what I have and I'm perfectly fine with it.

I think captive_colgada should feel fortunate to have found a man like she has, and she should run with it as far as she can go.