Broken Switch

[iSubmit]

As my nickname implies, I'm a mostly submissive switch. I really, really enjoy the submissive side of my personality. But over the time I've been sub the dominant side of me has waned, and I would be sad to see it go. Does anyone have advice for how I could nurture both sides of this, before I become a sub entirely?

[Archeon]

Would losing the dominant side be really such a bad thing? If you are naturally tending towards being a submissive then my suggestions would be to embrace that, rather than force something you are not.

Regards,

Arch

[denuseri]

I think you should just relax, stop worrying about it and go with what comes natural to you at the time, with whoever you are with at that time.

You will probabely find that depending upon the individual circumstances and exactly who you are dealing with in any given situation that your dominance will emerge just fine when its needed.

I know mine does and I'm identified as a slave.

If you look around you as you go about your day to day life you will see people all over the place switching back and forth from dominant and submissive behavioral modes without ever even thinking about it on a conscious level.

The cop who is dominant pretty much all day with his 'customers" who is submissive to the waitress at his favorite breakfast nook.

The teacher who is quite dominant with her charges at school, but meek and mild allmost begging to be collared when she goes into the teachers lounge for lunch.

etc etc etc.

Relax a bit...go with the flow, stop trying to overanalyze your place in life.

[FrgnSwtc]

I agree with what Arch and denu have said.

Speaking from personal experience, I identified myself as a switch for most of my kinky aware life. Now, I'm a submissive.
I found myself not being fulfilled with asserting myself over my partner and take control, so I bottomed more and more often.
This happened, as change is natural in a person's life. Maybe what you're experiencing is a settling of your nature and not fighting it might give you a sense of rightness that I personally recommend.

When I was going through that change, I got a bit anxious. I started to think that I'd "loose" myself in some way or that my outside life would be affected by it. None of these things happened.

So far I've found that this rightness I speak of is a great source of joy for me.

best regards.

FS

[fetishdj]

I started out as a switch, mainly because it was the best way to learn both sides of the lifestyle (and my initial intentions in getting involved were mainly academic interest) but as time went on I began to feel that I was tending more towards being submissive.

Then, about a year ago, things happened that triggered off my Dom side so now I switch again...

My theory about switches is that it is not the individual who determines if they are dominant or submissive (though we make choices to identify with one or the other, generally this is arbitary) but rather we are always assessing our submissive/Dominant nature in light of the others we associate with.

So, someone who identifies as a 'Dominant' will, more often than not, encounter people who are more submissive than they are and this reinfoces their Doiminance. Likewise with someone who identifies as 'submissive'. If a Dominant meets someome more Dominant they are likely to simply accept them as 'an equal' (or maybe as a 'better Dominant' but will not submit to them. Subs who meet someone more submissive are equally unlikely to dominate them.

Switches, however, adopt that middle ground and some people they meet will be more submissive than they are and so they act Dominant and others they meet will be more dominant than they are and so they act submissive. Basically, as a switch you are more likely to readjust your role based on the person you are with.

So, it may not be a change in you but rather a change in the people you are interacting with. If you were to meet some more submissive people, it is likely you may reassert your Dominant tendencies as I did.

[iSubmit]

Thanks for all the advice, you've given me a lot to think about. I guess it is true that I've largely been interacting with dominants the past few years.

[LovesKink]

im a switch that plays both sides of the fence i have only played with novice Dommes that make me feel more comfortable as a sub, it all depends on who you are with to make you realise what role you will fit.

[Kuve {Sett}]

I started out as a sub and began switching much later, I think that being a dominant or submissive is as much about the particular chemistry between the individuals as it is about either of their inherent nature. It is extremely rare for anyone to be submissive all the time to everyone, so calling someone "a submissive" rather than calling them "someone who can be submissive under the right circumstances and to the right person" greatly and misleadingly oversimplifies a highly complex and varied inter-personal dynamic. Rather than seeking to apply a label, sub, switch, or dom, you would do better to simply accept that you are who you are and explore what that means embracing whatever makes you happy. If that means you end up a collared slave so be it since it will have been, ultimately, you embracing who you are rather than trying to maintain an image of yourself that may not be a valid reflection of your actual nature.

[Jennifer Williams]

Beautifully said.

[markolexus]

Interesting, I too have probably become more sub over the years, starting as out a total dom then switching occasionally through to now being a sub who will periodically tops someone who switches. Yes of course it depends on the person you are with to a large extent, nonetheless there appears to be a pattern here. Hopefully because I've become less selfish - but dunno really.