corinya
corinya

Age

42

About corinya

BDSM Role:

Masochistic submissive

Gender:

Female

Status:

Exploring

BDSM Interests:

Many

A Bit About Yourself:

i'm not sure where to start here... i guess because i feel like i don't know myself very well at the moment. i think of myself as deeply submissive, but it makes me vulnerable too, so i can be defensive if i don't trust you. i've been called stubborn and bull-headed by some who have tried to control me, and i'm used to being very independent in my larger social world. i have no interest in controlling another, and get all the warm fuzzies when i am with someone more powerful than me. i'm pretty smart and can make a good argument, so i usually get my way. i appreciate others who are smarter than me and those who can can make decisions and stand up to me, and i appreciate wittiness because it makes me laugh.

A lot of times i wish i could walk away from this lifestyle, but i find it is in my blood and i can't stay away for long. That being said, i go through phases of disappearing and reappearing. i get attached, and the friendships i have made and lost here still haunt me. it's hard to start new friendships, although i believe in having a good support network. i also believe it is important for subbies to stick together and be a support network for each other, to help each other think straight after the much desired (but not intelligence provoking) mind-scrambling by our dear Dominants and Dominant friends.

i fear most being abandoned, although i don't know why. One would think i was abandoned as a child or some Freudian explanation, but i don't think there is one. Maybe in a past life? i get attached and i don't like to be alone. i love solitude, however. Being alone and solitude are very different.

i'm not sure what i am looking for now, or if i am looking for anything at all. i guess i am excited to being open to new experiences. i wouldn't trust me not to disappear again.

i don't think i can ever get enough. i have insatiable desires, which normally i repress. i think maybe some of my desires are not good for me... i'm not sure. i think the only types of kink i would completely refuse are those that are unsafe or pose a health risk. i used to think i was a bit of a "fear slut" but i think i am more of a "trust slut" (haha). It's like the roller coaster--its fun to have that thrill so long as you actually trust that the roller coaster won't fall off the track, but you probably would never get on if you didn't trust it was sound. i like experiencing new emotions and sensations, even bad or painful ones if they please another by the trust and respect that is given.

i struggle sometimes with an inner poison called self-hatred. You'll have to trust me on this, but i find relief not in excessive compliments or loving affection, but in pain and humility.

i don't feel that it is obligatory to tell anyone online everything about me, so please don't assume you know my whole story. i'm not trying to keep any information from anyone or to lie. i just feel i have a right to my privacy, also in part to avoid drama.

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This used to be my playground (used to be)
This used to be my childhood dream
This used to be the place I ran to
Whenever I was in need
Of a friend
Why did it have to end
And why do they always say

Don't look back
Keep your head held high
Don't ask them why
Because life is short
And before you know
You're feeling old
And your heart is breaking
Don't hold on to the past
Well that's too much to ask

Live and learn
Well the years they flew
And we never knew
We were foolish then
We would never tire
And that little fire
Is still alive in me
It will never go away
Can't say goodbye to yesterday (can't say goodbye)

No regrets
But I wish that you
Were here with me
Well then there's hope yet
I can see your face
In our secret place
You're not just a memory
Say goodbye to yesterday (the dream)
Those are words I'll never say (I'll never say)

This used to be my playground (used to be)
This used to be our pride and joy
This used to be the place we ran to
That no one in the world could dare destroy

This used to be our playground (used to be)
This used to be our childhood dream
This used to be the place we ran to
I wish you were standing here with me

This used to be our playground (used to be)
This used to be our great escape
This used to be the place we ran to
This used to be our secret hiding place

This used to be our playground (used to be)
This used to be our childhood dream
This used to be the place we ran to
The best things in life are always free
Wishing you were here with me

Vanilla Interests:

Training and riding my horse