His little one

I try not to make it a constant struggle. I Want to submit, so I don’t think He should have to fight for it…yesterday morning I was a brat. I am supposed to ask for permission to wear underwear. Not a problem. Nice little reminder that I am His and I rather like it. Yea, I was feeling unnoticed and neglected so I didn’t ask just to see if He noticed. Naturally, with my infinite patience, I couldn’t wait until he noticed, and pointed it out. I got in trouble of course, but my being an ass actually led to a really good conversation. During the course of it, He gave me that grin which is always accompanied by an evil little twinkle, “so what your saying is your just like a wolf cub bitch who needs to have her nose stuck in it every time she pees on the floor [to put the quote in context, wolves are his thing and the cubs are great, but a real pain in the ass].” Exactly. I need to know it matters to Him whether or not I obey. I understand that there will always be times that my behavior must be addressed later, and that’s okay. I guess it sounds rather slow of me, but sometimes I have a hard time associating my behavior with the consequences. I just…I know that we are all ultimately responsible for our own behavior, but I need His help to be what He wants me to be. Maybe that’s ridiculous, I don’t know.

I have often wondered if it's easier for people who start off in D/s then get married...

Last night when M took his belt to me He really used it. Different than ever before and it hurt like hell. He has always enjoyed whipping me but this was different. He had this intense and deep satisfaction and look of sadistic pleasure I have never seen. I will admit to a "holy shit" moment. But intensity in his eyes was just...amazing. Dunno, the experience had this over-all melting effect on me. I don't know how Me looks back at last night. He has spent many years trying not to hurt me and I think the amount of pleasure He got doing so last night disturbed Him a little.