love2serve

Why is it that all through my life i have made the same choices over and over again. I trust too much and give my all to someone only to be disappointed. I'm married, have been for 20 years, we've known each other for 28 - and for the 8 years before we were married he cheated on me countless times, always coming back with the words 'its you I really want'. 'Mmmm beginning of a pattern' you might say - but hey'ho, love is blind. As soon as we married, it stopped, he was completely faithful (I think)! and life was great. We travelled around a bit for his job and eventually started the family we were desperate for. We were living in South Africa at the time I had the first set of twin boys (we have two)!! and, when we returned to England I had a feeling he was returning to his old ways. By the time they were 2 he had been sent to work in Nigeria, and worked 3months away 2 weeks home, and at some point I managed to conceive again. Yep, twins !!! During this pregnancy however he was still away 3 months at a time - he never laid a finger on me when he came home,, not into sex of any kind with pregnant women - well i have heard of that happening, so I just let that slide. Now all that was 11 years ago, and last year (about the time I found this site) he told me that he had been unfaithful with a young girl who worked at the British Embassy in Lagos - I have to say, although I hid it well, saying stuff like ' well I wasn't exactly an appealing prospect' and 'at least you came home to me' and him saying 'I needed sex and she was there, I didnt even like her' (yes I know its an awful thing to say about anyone - but he sees nothing wrong in it) - he also said i should be grateful that she wasn't one of the Nigerian prostitutes that were always bothering him!! Grateful? - not the word i would have chosen! Well upshot was I forgave him but decided there and then that now was the time (kids 14 and 11 by now) that perhaps I should start to enjoy my life, and so, on a very drunken night, i told my husband about this site, guys who I had had scenes with on it and about the fact that i longed to be dominated by someone (and not just in the way he does - bossing me around all the time) in a deeply sexual way - earning submission from me and commanding respect. Well, a can of worms was opened i can tell you.............