chalsia

inching my way closer and closer to my 30th birthday and catching up with my mom's 29th i seem to get braver and braver. Actually been attending more and more munches and getting to know people. Although i have this invisible shield around me .. proclaiming that i'm really not interested in anyone, that i'm not searching for anyone. But of course.. deep down that is a lie. I'm searching, i'm looking. Even on here i'm searching and even get a bit jealous as girls find *their Master*. Why is it so easy for some, and for others it seems to be so hard?
To have searched for so long.. to have read and read and read.. then lurked and finally having the courage not only to interact in this forum, but go to munches and other bdsm events.. and yet putting up a front.. almost a lie so no one will get close to me. So am i not just lying to everyone else, but even to myself.