bpqueen

Master and I had a long chat today about our upcoming weekend scene, tasking, and protocol. Last night I was rebuked for giving a passive-aggressive order rather than offering a deferential piece of information. This scared me, as I had tried very hard to be respectful and deferential when presenting the information in the first place. I ended up sending an email regarding my confusion, acknowleged the challenging tone that I used, and went to see him today. I told him that I have no experience talking to people as anthing but equals, and will need explicit instructions if I am to behave a certain way in a scene or otherwise. He apologized for confusing me and told me that he will help build a deferential foundation upon which speech and behavior can be built upon.

He has decided that the carrot works better with me than the stick, but as he was impressed with my fortitude under the flogging, will use pain as a tool for clearing my mind. He and I have very similar mentalities, and as we both accept the pain, neither liking nor disliking it, it does little as a behavioral deterrent. He is not a sadist, nor I a masochist, but we both see pleasure and pain as gateways to better understanding. He also has given me permission to use force against anyone but him who attempts to dominate me. As I am naturally an aggressive person, and am a little nervous as to how peoples' opinions about me may change when they see me as his submissive, this relieves much of my tension about how to act and who to be deferential to. I still must ask his permission before any change in action, however, and remember the honorifics.

We also briefly of collars, and he is planning on making my main one himself. He has some experience working leather, and has my measurements. He was thinking about another form of collar for everyday (earring or such). I am excited to see what he presents.

On another note, my husband told me to read The Story of O, and I will start that tonight.