bpqueen

Yesterday was heaven as my Master asked me to be his!! I was afraid that he would not want the responsibility to train me or else not have the experience, but I was wrong! I couldn't find the words to express to him how badly I wanted to be his, so I whispered that I was...completely, and wanted to learn how to please him. He acknowledged the responsibility that I was laying at his feet and accepted it, while binding myself to him through an oral agreement. I also got my first task!!

I am so full of emotion right now that I can barely find the words to express any of it.

I feel complete somehow. I feel as if this journey will profoundly change me, but I feel that I will know myself better as I follow this path. I am nervous, yet trust my Master completely. I get shivers down my spine just typing Master. I am a very aggressive person, and submission is not natural to me, but when I am around him that is the only thing that I want to do. I want to curl up at his feet and bask in the attention that he lavishes upon me. I have butterflies in my stomach. I want to learn everything I can about being a good sub for him...especially when he ordered me to be good to my husband. I think that will help with a lot of the performance anxiety I get when I am around my husband. Now I please him to please my Master. I know that this may sound convoluted, but I think that it is what I need right now.

Master has the patience to train me, completely new to BDSM and with a very low self-esteem, and the experience that I didn't believe that he had. He knew exactly what to say, what to do, and how to do/say it when I submitted myself to him yesterday. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised, as I could always see it smoldering behind his eyes, but I still am. He amazes me with his insight and his communication, as I possess neither ability in great quantity. I have always been told that I give too much information to strangers, but I have someone tell me that it is actually a submissive trait that helps a sub find a caring dom who is willing to listen. Master listens so well.

I told him that I was keeping a blog as a journal, and he was pleased. I have not yet shared the site with him, but did ask if I could send him questions with my next set of steps and boundaries. Again, I am so scared to be acknowledging these feelings of mine, but I think that it is going to help me a lot.