hoosakitty

When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.
~Dale Carnegie

I have always been an emotional creature…many times to my hurt. I don’t relate to people in the confines of the norm. I don’t meet people… I feel them. I’m not talking about first impressions as most consider it, but the meeting of spirits that occurs (if we allow it) when we come in contact with another.

This odd way of living my life has recently been the cause of some hurt to someone else. I was mistaken in the connection I felt with this person…what should have only been friendship became something different before I realized my error. I was honest, and called off the relationship, not realizing how deeply the other felt about me. What hurt them worse was my immediate connection with another. The reaction was not a good one. I accepted the blame without question, including the accusation that I was merely playing games.

The more I think about it, though, the more I resent the accusation. I made a mistake, yes, but to consider my way of thinking a game is unfair. Would he rather I continued leading him along? Should I have tried to make something work when I knew it was not the right thing to do? The fact that I met someone else immediately… someone who is turning out to be the very person I have searched for my entire life…was not a premeditated attack intended to belittle him or make him feel less than the wonderful person he is.

I think it is easy to accuse people involved in this lifestyle of playing games…and it is a slander that is overused. We are all searching for our unconventional needs to be met, and the journey is sometimes difficult and hurtful. I have yet to meet one person here who is “playing a game”, only those searching for fulfillment and acceptance. I’m sure they’re out there, pulling someone’s strings for kicks, and shame on them for it. But to accuse somebody of this travesty, just because things didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to, is just as wrong.

I apologize for my mistake. Blame is mine, and I hurt feelings…but it was unintentional… I feel badly. My search continues, just like his...and the condition is far too serious to be a game.