~ willow ~

Fuck it! The times those words have blurted from my lips…bursting from my psyche… Those times have occurred more often then I care to admit. I have existed so close to this edge for months…tense with frustrated anger one minute, only to dissolve into desperate hot tears of aching defeat. I never expected it to be easy, but I never dreamed it would be this hard.

Master is my rock. While I have bounced from one emotion to the next he’s never given up on me…on us. While he didn’t always react how I wanted or expected him to, he has always reacted the way I NEEDED him to. I sometimes just didn’t know it.

He has shown me myself. I’m facing my demons and learning so much. No pity parties, no indulging the tantrums. But giving me the space to find my way. And when I find the clarity, usually during some rambling of mine, I’ll have that lightbulb moment and he’ll smile and I realize he knew I’d get there eventually. His faith in me, is his greatest gift to me.

When we’re in the thick of experiencing that which we dread it can seem like it’s all there is. But when you choose a path, choose a person, choose life you have to accept all that is offered. The alternative is to hide behind those clichéd walls we all build and go through the motions. I look back on the struggle, the hurt, the mistakes and now see it all for what it was. Merely part of the journey…a journey that is shaping me and changing me. And one I’m not about to abandon, because I AM good enough.