Thank you for the well wishes. It has been a long time since we last spoke. I hope all is well with you.
Congratulations
Awesome post! Aww it brought tears to my eyes. I felt the power, truth and beauty in your connection with Sunshine. So beautiful. Thank you for sharing!! ♥Anita
There isnt much I can say other than follow your heart. Made some extremely difficult and heart wrenching decisions in our life. Fertilise your mind with happy thoughts, and happiness will grow inside you. Feel the fear, embrace the fear, and use it to drive your heart to discover new joys. Find your affirmation and follow it where it leads you. The past is part of what makes us who we are. Embrace the past, hold it tight, then let it go........
Slowly, I have reached out to the real world to find something for myself. I have been to my first Munch, I have joined fetlife and collarme.com. And the more I take these little steps, the less hopeful I am. So much seems against me at the moment....being married, having years of experience online and with so little real life experience. The more I brave into this real world, the more I feel as if it will all pass me by without my desires to be fulfilled. I am frustrated, I am hopeful with each new email or time I log in to see if someone has found me or I them, I am missing Sunshine all the more and feeling sorrow for myself at what I could of had with her. Part of me wonders if my words to her were true before she died, "If you die, my dreams of this die too." I hope for myself, still confident that I have much to offer, but realize that my limitations in being married holds so much against me......I feel the slow creeping of despair mixing with angry frustration, tinged with the impatience of wanting now what was promised to me by Sunshine. So much I want...yet, I feel a bit broken after Sunshine's death....I am not confident as I was before...I am not whole.
Anita....thank you for taking the time to read my blog about Sunshine. Your words are appreciated and in some measure, your reading of my blog allows Sunshine to live on as a memory of someone who was dear to me.
