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So, i joined here in July.. baby steps i promised myself.. reading and learning i wanted to do. Integrate the knowledge from here and go to munches.. sorta find the balance of what i wanted, what i was searching for.
And yet .. nothing happened. yes i started to speak with some people, thought about getting more serious with one, but it did not happen. i was not for him. maybe i'm getting anxious maybe i need more patience. Maybe things are simply not meant to be for me. Perhaps i'm simply ...

i hate chat rooms, i hate feeling that i take stuff even remotely serious. i hate myself for that more then i can even put into words. Actually writing this with tears streaming down my face, because i just simply have to put my emotions and feelings into words, so perhaps i will learn from it, perhaps i will look back and shake my head and will not get things get to me like they do. I mean it's just a chat room right?
i have met some great people here .. one more then just great and i thought ...

sitting on a bench by a lake tossing rocks into the water.. my mind wandering, only hoping for the sun the set and able to return home by then. Unaware of the man approaching and looking up in surprise as he sits next to me. He is friendly and the glimpse of sudden fear quickly retreats. A bit subconsciously straighten my short skirt.. tug on the blouse, just trying to relax and not look so nervous, not nervous because of fear, but because the mans closeness making me self conscious. He spoke quietly ...

a few weeks ago i had the pleasure of meeting a very special submissive. she was in the lifestyle for a very long time, had the most wonderful disposition and a great attitude. no question to her was a bad questions, her whole attitude was most pleasant. she had the special gift of making people smile around her and make even a stranger feel welcome and at home. my first munch she always had a smile for me and gave encouragement with just a look and a smile. at a large bdsm event only recently she ...

for years and years i lurked, read everything under the sun that contained anything and everything about bdsm. my fantasies rampant, my arousal at the stories so great. Laying in bed at night fantasizing about the girl that is being controlled by the strong Master, who gets punished for her indiscretions. i was the girl lurking in the chat rooms, watching, listening, thinking that i was learning. but what did i really learn, that strong men are an arousal for me, that their dominance makes me week ...

does anyone else have trouble taking *the first step*? I mean how do you approach someone, or even worse tell someone you have known for a long time and tell them that your thoughts are not always so.. so pure? And even if you go to an alternative lifestyle site, how do you admit on how you really feel about some things? I mean how can you trust someone to admit your most intimate thoughts.. to tell them what arouses you, what excites you.. what is a turn on? So my approach is always.. well what ...

Having read and read and read anything under the sun about bdsm, made the decision to take it a step further. But then again that is easier said then done. Even though bdsm and other fetishes seem to be in vogue and accepted as an *in* thing to do, there is still a certain stigma attached, especially when one would want to have a serious conversation about it. I mean it is ok for *others* to be that way, but for themselves it is just not acceptable. I guess what I mean I was trying to have a conversation ...