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So much has happened since my last blog. I have been posting elsewhere in the meantime, but thought that I may as well post a few thoughts here as well.

It as been almost 3 months since I began my relationhip with my Master, and about 2 since I got my official collar. Master has been out of the Scene for a while, so we are slowly working ourselves back into it, but are not comfortable doing so in our city yet, and are thus traveling out to a neighboring town to attend classes, seminars, ...

This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions, experiences, and feelings. Thursday, I met with my Master to go over what I was to wear for his gatherings over the weekend. We settled on a pair of jeans, a Victorian sleeveless shirt, and a leather waist cincher for Friday, and a pinstripe skirt, black and red nylons, and a backless fuzzy black top for Saturday. We then went to the leather store to pick out materials for my collar! They did not have the blacksmith leather that he was looking ...

Master and I had a long chat today about our upcoming weekend scene, tasking, and protocol. Last night I was rebuked for giving a passive-aggressive order rather than offering a deferential piece of information. This scared me, as I had tried very hard to be respectful and deferential when presenting the information in the first place. I ended up sending an email regarding my confusion, acknowleged the challenging tone that I used, and went to see him today. I told him that I have no experience ...

Over the weekend, my Master threw a party and I managed to provoke a scene from my husband by ensconsing myself in a tree (very drunk) and refusing to come down, while another Dom aggressively sat above me in a kilt. I was punished for this unruly act, as well as tested as to my pain threshhold. This was my first flogging from Master, as well as my first flogging ever. While I discovered that the pain did not turn me on, I did internalize much of the pain, and Master tested my stamina and tolerance. ...

So, I have been in phone contact with Master today, and we have spoken of yesterday. He and I are completely in synch regarding his role in my life, but it is a big responsibility, and he is taking a few days to draft a contract and present a guidemap for our endeavor. I am so happy that I also have some new friends to talk to about what I am feeling and experiencing (although it will be a while before I feel comfortable enough to take them up on their offer). My hope is that Master can teach ...

Yesterday was heaven as my Master asked me to be his!! I was afraid that he would not want the responsibility to train me or else not have the experience, but I was wrong! I couldn't find the words to express to him how badly I wanted to be his, so I whispered that I was...completely, and wanted to learn how to please him. He acknowledged the responsibility that I was laying at his feet and accepted it, while binding myself to him through an oral agreement. I also got my first task!!
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So this morning I have been asking myself why someone who doesn't like sex and has a low sex drive is so interested in BDSM. My friend (MF) hypothesized that it is not that I dislike sex, but rather the way in which I have been taught to see sex. Growing up in a nation that pretends to be Christian has produced two types of people: obedient and rebellious. As a child and teenager, I was the obedient type, mostly, but as an adult I grow more and more rebellious. If mainstream society wants it...I ...

I hate journaling and I hate revealing my feelings, but I have reached a point in my life where I need somewhere to cataloge my thoughts without fear of retribution, and at home is just not the place.

Two weeks ago I started to spend more time with a friend of mine which reminds me so much of a best friend I had many years ago. I instantly am at ease when I am around him, and like nothing more than to cuddle up in his embrace. I am not sexually attracted to him at first glance, ...